Why are Statues Always Naked?

Husband and Middle Son had Bright Idea to dig huge hole on Sunday. In garden. Said it was a Pond.
Oh, said I.
Vast volcanic heap of wet earth to one side of hole.
Said it was a Feature.
Oh, said I.
Laid huge blanket of black shiny rubber into hole. Filled it with water.
Both looking Twinkly and Pleased.
Can we have plants? asked Daughter. She and Youngest Observing Pond Digging.
Could do, I said.
Can we have fish?
Could do, I said.
Can we have a Fountain?
Could do, I said.
Long story cut to the quick...knocked Fountain and Fish requests on the head. Running with Plants Theme.
With that in mind we all went, minus Husband, to Garden Centre yesterday.
Found some. Eight pots of Dead Reed looking things.
'They'll look bootiful in the summer,' said Sales Assistant. 'Attract the Wild Loife.'
We all looked blankly at the eight pots.
Under close scrutiny found very small green bits. Rather hoped that this was New Life. Apparently one was an iris. There was a brown squelchy thing in pot.
'That'll be it,' said Sales Assistant. 'Bootiful in the summer.'
Bloody horrible now.
Bought the eight pots.
On way out Daughter and Youngest were having Youthful Giggles about statues to one side of us, laden with willies and bosoms. Youngest going up to statues and staring, hard, at privates.
Why are Statues always Naked? asked Daughter.
Because their clothes would get dirty and they couldn't put them in the washing machine, said Youngest.
Because it's hard to carve a raincoat, wellington boots and large rain hat, I said briskly, hurrying them past and hissing at Youngest to stop fiddling with the statue's bottom.
Oh, they said.
Took eight plants home. And two bags of Highland Stones.
Why can't we pick up stones from the garden, asked children.
Because I Don't Want To. I said.
Children got bored and played on the trampoline.
Tipped Highland Stones into hole. Plunged arm into Freezing Water and Arranged Bloody Highland Stones.
Arranged dead plants.
Vaboom.
Pond.
Done.
Children drifted up. Drifted away again.
Cut awful shiny rubber so that it's not flipping out all over surrounding lawn.
Looked at Pond.
Looked bloody awful. Dead Reed things floating about in brown water. Stones lurking below. Shiny rubbery lining gleaming like an Elvis Presley haircut.
Around pond is sea of mud. Flattened yellowing grass.
Heart sank.
Went in and made cup of tea.
Went out and looked at pond.
Still looked bloody awful.
Will kill Husband for making Pond and Feature right in view of our View.
Still, Sales Assistant said it would look Bootiful in the summer.
We will wait and see.
And will then kill Husband.