Thursday, 26 February 2009

Tempus Fugit

Rather an extreme between Eldest and Youngest sons at the moment.
Eldest rang today.
Needs £200 for deposit on house for next year.
He is at university, in halls.
'Oh,' I said. 'Do you need it today?'
'Yes,' he said.
'OK. I'll send it.'
'No,' he said. 'I need it today.'
He explained that all the others had paid. Was worrying about not getting the house, blah, blah, blah. Could I transfer money into his account Today.
Can see the scenario... Eldest has procrastinated. His friends are yelling at him for his deposit. He rings home at eleventh hour. Mother must Save the Day.
'Right, I'll ring the bank and get a transfer,' I say.
'Thanks, Mum. Will pay you back.' Can hear relief in his voice.
'No problem.' I say. 'You ok?' Settling down for little chat.
'Starving. Better go. Bye, Mum. Thanks.'
Sit and look at phone for a moment.
Sigh. Get up and on.
Several hours later...
Youngest is Very Naughty Indeed. Shouting Poo and Bogies and even, heart stoppingly, Penis.
Got Very Cross. Daughter had friend for tea who found Youngest hilarious. Which got him increasing his use of Expletives. Bum. Poo. Bogies.
Resorted to Naughty Step. For four minutes.
Youngest muttering to self on step and audible from kitchen. Silly Mummy. I hate Mummy. You are a Poo.
Friend was collected.
Baths all round. Told each and every child that they had been awful during tea and that I had loathed every minute.
Sorry, Mummy.
Sorry, Mummy.
Sorry, Mummy.
Youngest continues to look sad.
'What's up?' I ask.
He looks at the floor.
'What's the matter?'
He looks up, sad face, big eyes.
'Don't want to leave you, Mummy. I want you.'
Heart melts.
'I want you too, darling.'
He continues to look utterly miserable.
'Don't want to leave,' he repeats.
'You don't have to, darling. You can stay with Mummy for as long as you like.' (oh, god)
His little lip starts trembling.
'But, Mummy. I have to.'
'Why, why do you have to leave?'
'When I am Big,' he says, face tragic.
I give him a huge hug. Hold him close.
And think of my Eldest. Nearly twenty. I remember chats like this with him. His dread of leaving me. How he wanted to stay at home for ever. Never go.
Hug Youngest again and help him on with his pyjamas. We clean his teeth. Brush his hair. Read a book. Cuddle close before lights out.
One day I can show him this blog. Jog his memory. Make him see it like it was.
Because one day it will all be different.

Phone rings.
Eldest again.
'Oh, Mum, forgot to say...'
'Yes?' (a little hopeful)
'Can you send me my Gibson guitar book? It's in my room somewhere.'
'Sure. Will do tomorrow. You OK?'
'Yup. Better go, off out.'
'Bye, darling, I love you.'
'Me too.


Glad he's nineteen.
But wish he was four again.
Just for a tiny bit.

How time flies.


Sir Bruin said...

A little bit of light at the end of tunnel for you:
This brought back memories of my eldest two. The only calls I had from them while they were at Uni were requests for money. now they are working, I get calls offering to take me to the pub, or (in the case of number one son who is a biker) a ride out and then to the pub.

Granny on the Web said...

Been there done that 5 times. They still come home to roost when times are hard, and my youngest is 40 this year. One never stops being a parent you know!!!
Still it's nice to feel needed.. but sometimes you wish....
Today I had eldest grandson on the phone,' Hi Nan, how are you? I haven't got any money.... ' Sigh!

Love Granny

Mummy said...

The two extremes eh? Such precious moments and your post with tears in my eyes.

Kitty said...

My youngest tells me that when he's bigger he's going to give me lifts wherever I want to go. If my car breaks down, no worries, he will sort it. He will also take the rubbish out for me. I can't wait! x

Robynn's Ravings said...

Beautifully summed it up so poignantly.

As mother to an almost 14-yr-old son, I remember all those moments of undying love and affection and "never-to-be-parted" declarations. But he still looks at me sometimes, the old charmer, and says, "Hi Pretty!" The girls just don't stand a chance!

Love the young man he is becoming but miss the "can't-live-without-yous!" Thanks for this, Lady Bird. :)

Mum's the word said...

That was an absolutely beautiful and heartwarming post.
I really enjoyed reading it.
My 5 1/2 yr old says and does things that I wish I could capture and savour for future use in 20 years time.
x jo

Tatersmama said...

It's hard to believe, but sometimes I look back and miss being called "poo-head".
It was never said to my face, and it was muttered from his room... where he was allowed to have a little creative license.
My oldest grandson (9 today) complained at Christmas that I sent each of them presents and cards, but HIS card didn't contain any MONEY. As the oldest he should have gotten money.
So I sent him a birthday card that contained money. I don't know how he'll exchange an Aussie fiver for a US one though - but I'll bet he calls me a poo-head too !
It's now a family tradition.

Working mum said...

You have done your job well if eldest is happy to leave (well, apart from the 'phoning home at last minute for money' thing, obviously) Remember though, this is the age of the boomerang generation - they come back! :)

Vicus Scurra said...

Please clarify - I am sure that this information is on your site somewhere, but I am being lazy - youngest is not aged 18 or over, is he?

Elaine said...

lovely post, thanks!

am still at the junior end of the spectrum, having mild tremors at the prospect of being called 'Mum' rather than 'Mummy', which will happen any day now, I think. Waaaaahh........

The Dotterel said...

Oh, golly - a taste of things to come!

notSupermum said...

Awww, bless. Reminds me of when my youngest daughter asked me recently "Do I have to leave home when I'm 16?" She had thought that once she had become an adult (16 is an adult inher eyes!) she had to go!

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

Oh how this brings back memories. Only child and I were always close. Senior high school meant a new independence and spreading of wings. College was the time for only child to fly...and fall flat on face. Only child moved back home until spreading wings again. Hubs and I moved 900 miles away to a new home in Georgia. Only child married. She and her hubs moved to Georgia to be close. We live 8 miles away from each other. Trust me. They eventually return :)

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

That brought a lump to my throat LWM - don't you just love boys! A x

Junosmom said...

Heartbreaking. I have a seven year old who also says he's going to live with me forever. I see it changing a little every day.

LOL - my "word verification" is mated. That's when they really leave you.

trashalou said...

My 7 yo regularly tells me he will ive with me forever. I remember telling my dad something similar.

Frog in the Field said...

Ahh....I'm glad I've got a teenager and a little cuddly one, it's the best of both worlds.
Great Post

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Lovely post, LWM, you summed it all up very nicely! Hx

Ladybird World Mother said...

You are all so lovely and have said such nice things...very cheering. Am having simply mad time this weekend and have precisely 2 minutes to look at this before the next thing...
will hopefully sit quietly tomorrow and do lots of replies.
Have nice evening one and all.XXX

Donn Coppens said...

I can relate my progeny range from 7 to I am still actively involved in the early years and simultaneously witnessing the University and beyond stage.

So often I wish that they were still my little ducklings waddling around my feet at the Beach..never straying more than a few yards. Those were the could round them up in jiffy and march off to your next adventure.

On the other hand I sit back and marvel at how well they turned out and pat myself on the back...even though I realise that most of their success has evolved in spite of my inclination to be a helicopter parent.

I Love You Daddy never gets old.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You nailed it. You nailed how a typical day goes when you have kids spread through those ages. I am so glad I don't have the only 20 year old who knows how to dial when he needs saving ;-)

(Oh, and the 2 year-old called me an "idiot" today. actually, I think it was "stupid idiot"). I love being a mother.


Having three so close together (4 years between them) I find it hard to imagine a life like yours where you have been a mother for so many years (!) and now have these two polar differences. I dread the business of them growing up and away. My eldest is 10 and getting so close to those dreaded teenage years tho' I think she'll be easy. The middle one could give us all manner of problems! And the littlest. Ah, the littlest. I wish she could stay that way forever...that wonderful, blissful, innocent approach to life and understanding of it. All too fleeting in a world gone mad.


PS: I wonder where you are in west sussex? That is where I was born and bred before being shipped north (via France, London and Italy)! Parents still live there so am still a frequent visitor. So different to up here. Love them both.

Anonymous said...

A very normal family life then!

CJ xx

Suburbia said...

It is a funny situation isn't it? You want them to grow up, rush them into it, waiting for the next 'developmental stage' and all of a sudden, it's all gone! Strange life indeed.

PS, My youngest wants my car when I am dead!!!

Ladybird World Mother said...

DC - beautifully said! And how wonderful to be able to feel so good about them... well done!
Imbeingheldhostage - just an idiot, eh. I was a poo again. A big fat one. Joy!
Her on the hill - 3 in four years.... wow. That must have been immensely hard work for a while. Still is?! We are near Steyning in West Sussex... beautiful place near the downs. I love it.
CJ - Yup! Spose so... love it really...
Suburbia - your last sentence made me laugh very loudly and had to explain to child why I was laughing... they didnt get it!

Anonymous said...