Trinny and Susannah... I have a challenge for you.
Today it is Absolutely Bloody Freezing.
As a result of these Chilly Weather Conditions I am sporting the following...
One pair of pants.
One t-shirt acting as Vest.
Pair of jeans.
Cashmere roll neck jumper (TK Maxx, where else?)
Bigger Jumper over cashmere roll neck jumper.
Even Bigger Jumper over Jumper over Cashmere Roll Neck Jumper.
Wrapped round waist.
Large Fake Fur Hat.
2 Pairs of socks.
Hot Water Bottle Strapped to inside of coat.
Now then, Girls. Here's the thing.
How on God's Earth am I supposed to look Sexy, Young and Vibrant? I appear to Resemble a Very Large and Padded Stuffed Animal.
I Need Some Help. Obviously.
(The poor postman has just been. I waved merrily through the window, hat, rug and all. He waved back as if in a daze. My beauty? My clothes sense? ....My Arse.)
The other day there was a programme on telly about how to look good when it's Cold.
Hoorah! I thought.
Now I can look good and Be Warm!
What Total Toss that was.
Svelte looking beauties came on to the set wearing a 'Woolly Jumper'. Right. What they actually had on was very small top with strands of wool insinuated into it. And Lots of Cleavage.
Cleavage and Cold are simply Not Playmates.
During the Winter Months I do not Have A Cleavage. Or I do, but its Hidden. Rather like Mountains in the Mist. As it were.
Husband says airily,
Put on some More Layers, darling!
HOW THE HELL WOULD I GET ANOTHER LAYER ON ME?
Short of a Woolly Tent, there is nothing here on earth to Fit.
So, Trinny and Susannah.
Tiny tops twinned with a low slung pair of jeans just Won't Do.
Design a Warm and Practical Outfit for me to wear here.
In my Cold House.
And d'you know what...?
I'll eat my Hat.