Sunday, 22 February 2009

King of the Fire

Am getting a little Fed Up with Position in family.
Seem to be relegated to Second In Command on regular basis.
Take Making Fires.
Am very good at making fires. Always used to watch my father making our fires in sitting room of childhood. Bending down on his knees, coaxing a flame into staying around for the evening and keeping us warm. Adding little bits of wood, making them bigger, and Hey Presto! Lovely cosy fire.
Nowadays, at the time of the evening when the day draws in, and we all start to slop around on sofas, I will start to Make The Fire. Easy bloody peasy.
Fire lighter. Check.
Kindling. Check.
Couple of larger bits of wood. Check.
Put on fire lighter. Set Fire to Fire Lighter. Watch flame. Put kindling on top. Watch it catch. Add more wood. Go away and make tea.
Husband makes fires too.
Here's how he does it.
Gets lots of Twigs. Scrumples up lots of tiny bits of newspaper. Sets fire to Twigs. Blows for several minutes. Flame goes out. Gets more Twigs. Gets more newspaper. Sets fire to Twigs. Blows. Flame nearly goes out. Manages to keep minute flame going while putting more newspaper under twigs. Shouts at child to get kindling.
Kindling is brought forthwith.
Flame is now one inch high and one inch wide.
Husband blows softly for several minutes. Smoke billows into room. We all cough.
Need More Kindling, orders Husband.
More kindling brought.
Husband carefully places kindling onto flame. Blows for several more minutes. No one can see the telly because his bottom is in the way.
Daaaaaad. Can you moooooove.
In a minute, he says.
Blow. Check flame. Blow. Look at flame.
After several more minutes Husband places small pieces of wood on top of burning kindling.
He looks up and around at us all. Big smile.
There. He says. A nice Fire.
Lovely, we all say.
Daughter pipes up.
Mummy is good at making fires, she says.
I Bask in her approval.
But, she adds, Daddy is the King of Fires.
Daddy roars with laughter.
I sulk on sofa.

Post Script
Husband has just read this post, and laughed to the point of tears.
We are both about to have a lovely drink in the sitting room.
Shall I light a fire? he asked. Laughing. Hard.
Oh, dear. This could Back Fire.
As it were...


Google Mummy said...

ha! the fine balance in a marriage. You gain someone who can Do Things around the house. Except, in reality, they invariably make a total balls of it so it's better to do it yourself. Is this whaty they call an endearing feature?

Vodka Mom said...

I'll be right over for a drink. Scoot over so I can sit by the fire!!!

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha! Cracked me up. At least your husband reads your blog!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Corey, indeed on the husband reading the blog! Days could go by and I could flay my DH's character and list him on Ebay. He'd be none the wiser. If I didn't read them to him occasionally he wouldn't know how fascinating I am......!

Think of the extra blog time you'll have now that the King of the Fires has taken over. Enjoy!

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

Mothers always do things best. It's a well known fact that we must keep hidden from the fathers, lest they start to feel useless. I used to be married to such a man and he made me feel completely incompetent in his presence, when I am anything but. As a matter of fact, I do things much better when I am on my own. I'm glad I read this post tonight, because it reminded me of something very important. My own competency. Thanks.

Troy said...

I thoiught the woman of the house was there to put "fires" out. Perhaps that's just our house.

Anonymous said...

Love the idea of a cosy warm fire and keep meaning to get our chimney's swept so we can do the same. But, I have to add, it will be the farmer's job, not mine. He's a chief fire maker - has a huge bonfire about once a week.

CJ xx

Anonymous said...

Roaring log fire and a glass of wine. Does winter get any better?

Somehow being dubbed Queen of Washing Up and Laundry doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Mummy said...

What a giggle - will be interesting to note who makes the fires this week now! lol

Neas Nuttiness said...

At our house, we are all King of the Fire...flip switch, flames burst forth - flip switch, flames go bye bye. Everybody wins...especially the gas company!

Sir Bruin said...

This sounds like a blue job/pink job thing. It works in much the same way as in management, it isn't always the ones with the skills that get to do the job.

Ladybird World Mother said...

GM - yup! thats just about it, I'd say...although I must say Husband is damned fine cook, so thats ok!
VN -Made a place for you! your drink is nice and cold but that fire is HOT!
CS - amazing that he does... but only when I haul him over and force his face an inch or two away from screen...
Robynn -!! lol. Love the comment about him not knowing how fascinating you are!!!
TFTW - truly glad that you feel competent and have been reminded of that... what we all need to feel.
Troy - just in your house, Troy! Here my job is to definitely light his fires.
CJ- yup. husband does too. But outside, and for some reason all that blowing and huffing doesnt seem so silly. Go on, get that chimney swept!
Mud -it truly doesnt... so damned nice to sit by fire at end of day with nice drink. Perhaps should try at beginning of day as well?
Mummy - he made one last night... and we laughed because he did it without any blowing or huffing and it was the best fire ever! Maybe this post will bear fruit!
NN - wow... a switch.. now that would be a very good thing indeed. Except the bill!
Sir B - definitely a Blue Job. But one that I am rather good at... so does that make it Pink?

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Oh men and fires, don't start me...! It's a primative thing, he can't help it poor love. Let him light, it's cheaper than therapy. Reasons x

NaomiG said...

HAHAHA!! That's awesome. I will always happily allow my hubby to light the fires. He's much better at it than I.

Sir Bruin said...

Unfortunately, aptitude has nothing to do with the classification of jobs. It's yer differentials, innit, mate?

Ladybird World Mother said...

Reasons to be cheerful 123 - cheaper than therapy indeed...! will therefore let him do it... since reading blog he now makes a cracking fire in 2 minutes! Yeh. Result or wot.
Naomi - you are a wise woman! Glad he can still light your fire. Arf arf.x
Sir B - aptitude? what aptitude? I'm all attitude, me. (apart from enormous skill at spitting cherry stones a great distance. Now, there's aptitude.)

geraldgee said...

My chimney sweep took one look at my chimney and asked me if I was insured!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I can see it all LWM - brings back memories - smoke and all. A x

cheshire wife said...

If you do not already have a pair of bellows they would make a useful Christmas present.

Ladybird World Mother said...

gg-oh christ, that reminds me, I need to get ours swept too. Thanks for that!!!
Anne - glad that you have smoky memories! Perhaps not quite so good as Hot ones...;)
CW - you are quite Brilliant. Will buy some for next christmas! Thank you enormously....