Well. Big Excitement here.
On Friday I thought to myself, am going to have a go at Getting Published. Am fed up with not doing it. So, will do it. Easy, I thought!
So... spent hours and hours looking through old posts and printing them out. Wrote a covering letter. Punchy, is what you might call it.
Why did I do all this? Because my mate Vodka Mom did.
And I like her style because she makes me Roar With Laughter.
Finally got all the bits and pieces together and prepared to send off four Big Fat Envelopes.
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can hear you all shouting.
'USE YOUR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMAIL.....!'
Right. Let me explain. I tried. I really did. Almost as much as trying to get those links on the page which Troy so kindly and at length explained, and What I Still Can't Do.
Tried and Tried. Swore a bit. As you can imagine.
That was when the Big Brown Envelopes came out.
Crammed them each full with covering letter and four bits of writing.
Took them to post office. Stuck on the stamps and kissed them each good bye.
Got home this evening from Day From Hell with school taking up until 3.30, then off to take children to bloody trampolining and then Brownies and sodding Youth Club (the latter a new one. Not sure about it, as all they seemed to do was play on a Wii and have fizzy drinks.)
Anyway... got home. Oh, the relief. Phone ringing as we opened front door, so we all yelled,
'DON'T GET IT!' to Youngest, who has habit of answering phone just as I am Very Busy On The Loo, or about to take first mouthful of Delicious Sunday Lunch.
Too late. He was already on first name terms with lady at the end. I snatched it off him and spat into the receiver...
'Hello, is that Helen?'
A quiet, calm voice told me what she was ringing from Woman & Home Magazine and was very interested in doing a feature on me.
Well. Slap My Vitals.
I changed my What The Hell Do You Want voice to Hello Am Thrilled To Hear You voice.
At this point, Youngest decided to try out new Alarm Clock.
Let me explain. I have a Very Nice Friend indeed. We give each other strange presents. I gave her a yoga mat. She gave me an Alarm Clock. It is bright red, with a picture of a nun on it saying, I can feel a sin coming on... It is an old fashioned REALLY REALLY LOUD ALARM CLOCK THAT YOU COULD HEAR A SODDING MILE AWAY.
Youngest lets rip with this eighteen inches from my left ear.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. It went on. And on. Over the Unbelievable Volume I was able to communicate to Youngest that I was Not Pleased. With eyebrows waggling and Heavy Frown he soon got the message that it wasn't really a very good idea.
The other two were finding it Enormously Amusing. And Laughing. Quite Loudly Really.
After a few excrutiating seconds I had to tell the Calm Lady down the phone my predicament.
I shouted, 'My youngest child has got a very large and noisy alarm clock which he is holding very close to the phone. Would you please excuse me while I deal with it?'
'Of course,' said Calm Lady. Well, I think she said that. I couldn't hear a bloody thing.
There then followed some frantic and explosive whispering, with lots of Spit.
Youngest, looking very cheerful, left room. So did the others. I slammed the door shut after the lot of them, and came back to the phone.
Calm Lady said could I email her with details of what I do, with a picture.
Could I send it to her in the morning. Here was her email address.
I wrote it all down, still standing there in my coat.
Put phone down.
Well! Fancy That.
Am not sure whether to be pleased. Or not. A feature on me? I want to write the bloody feature, not be written about.
Still, it will be a Larf ( as my mother says).
And when the ringing in my ears has died down, I might just phone my Husband and tell him what has happened.