Had a somewhat bizarre time in our local village yesterday. Went to get Cat Litter. Bought it and staggered to car with enormous bag of the stuff. Tried to wave nonchalently to friend but it's difficult to do when both hands are under Heavy Bag and you don't have a spare one. Hand, that is. Managed, with great deal of eyebrow lifting and smiles.
Decided to go up the street to get Kidney Beans. Does it get more exciting, I hear you ask.
As I was crossing the entrance to the car park I saw a rather dapper, elderly gentleman wave madly to his elderly lady friend across the car park.
'Guess what!' he yelled, 'I've been arrested!'
His face was as proud as if he had received an OBE from Her Majesty herself.
'Go on,' shrieked back his Friend. 'How on earth did you get to do that?'
'Well...' he said.
And wouldn't you know it, a large lorry came into the car park, right between me and the Arrested Man. Couldn't hear a bloody thing.
'Damn,' I thought to myself.
Short of going round the other side of the lorry and joining in with the conversation, I couldn't really see how I could stay standing there.
And carried on up the High Street. Bought my Kidney Beans.
Walked on up to the Bank.
There was my Convict! Looking terribly pleased with himself.
Could I go up to him and ask? I thought somewhat irrationally.
Didn't need to, because Convict was starting to talk to Cashier.
'Guess what!' my friend boomed. 'I've been arrested!'
'Never,' said the Cashier, eyes agog. 'Whatever for?'
Well, I thought. Here we jolly well go!
But would you believe it, in came one of my Rather Dull Acquaintance.
'Hiiiiiii.' she said, wreathed in smiles. And launched into Long Detailed Story about her mother and the New House.
I wasn't in the least interested in her mother or the New House. Was desperately trying to listen to Convict tell his tale to Agog Cashier.
Kept hearing things like, 'Police came..... asked me about....did I have my.....'
Never heard One Key Word about what the arrest was about.
Rather Dull Acquaintance finished her story, checked her watch and was gone, with a swift wave over her shoulder.
Well. Damnation and hell. Convict had finished his tale and gone.
Looked up and down the High Street, but there was No Sign.
Thought I had better get my Fire Lighters. (my husband sometimes says, what did you do today and I say shopping and he says with a fond smile, oh that must have been fun. Right.)
As I was emerging from Robert Bunce, as it were, was delighted to see Convict, once again in Deep Conversation.
Hooray! I thought and sidled up looking as if I was reading the instructions on the Fire Lighters Very Carefully.
'Well,' he said.
(here we go, I thought!)
Quite a long silence really.
'Have you tried Slug Pellets?'
That was it then. I wasn't going to find out.
So off I went.
Hadn't got past the Post Office when I heard that now familiar roar,
I swirled round, saw that he was talking to man coming out of Post Office.
'What,' said Man, looking amused.
Before I could stop myself I told him.
'He's been arrested.'
'No!!!' Man said, guffawing. 'What on earth for?'
Stared back at him. Lost for words, really.
'Better ask him!' I said, pointing jauntily to Convict.
Had Quite Bad Giggles all the way back to my car.
Never did find out why Convict Got Arrested.
But it was Most Satisfactory to assist in the story.