Wednesday, 15 July 2009

The Show Must Go On

The The Village Flower and Produce Show 2009 continues to get nearer and nearer. Namely Saturday. Raspberries are looking good. Runner beans are running. And carrots, peas, lettuces, tomatoes and potatoes are all looking Not Bad At All.
Photographs, however, are proving difficult to produce. Basically because we are Crap at Taking Them.
Husband spent several hot minutes on the lawn at weekend trying to capture me racing by on bike and going over Very Small Plank of Wood so that I would 'take off'. Ho Hum. This is for the Bicycle Category in the Photography Section.
He missed. Twelve times. I would pound up, legs working like a piston, aim for plank, race up, pull up handles on bike for Optimum Lift Off, and then come to a Panting Halt. Each time Husband would check excitedly for Result.
Blank picture.
No Bicycle.
Due to Excessive Heat did not feel like going over plank a Thirteenth Time.
So we moved on to Mole Hills.
Aren't any. So sod that for a game of soldiers.
We could try the Garden Pest category, spoke Husband.
We looked at each other. Blank.
Absolutely No Inspiration there.
Gave up and went back in house for Large G & T as Reward.
Husband quietly rather proud of his Wild Life photograph. Went to restaurant in rather Grand Garden the other day. Perched on the fence surrounding the outside area of the restaurant was a robin.
Quick! we whispered noisely to each other.
Get the Camera!
Forgot to turn camera on.
Pressed Video Button by mistake.
Robin Scarpered.
Back he came a few minutes later.
He's back! I hissed. Get the camera!
Once again we were too late because by the time we'd turned the blasted camera on and turned it towards said Robin, said Robin had buggered off again.
Anyway, while I was inside choosing the Biggest Bastard of a Pudding you've ever seen (raspberry meringue roulade... simply Vast and with Lots of Cream) Husband had been Happy Snapping at Robin. Showed me his Work. All I could see were Statues and Bosoms. Peered harder at photo and could see Very Small Robin. Just.
After all this effort we gave up.

As a result our Photography Offerings look a bit like this...

Bicycle Category

Wild Life Category

Yup. Bollocks.
We'll keep you posted.


Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Well of course I haven't seen the other entries but I think you stand a very good chance of being winners in either or both of those categories LWM. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, fighting spirit and all that. It did make me snigger a bit, so comic genius could come into it! Good luck anyway and enjoy the day. A x

wonderwoman said...

love the pics!!!! laughed out loud at the bike, and the plank antics!!
thank you! good luck for saturday!


Tatersmama said...

Oh girl, you're good for the soul!
I woke up cranky as, this morning, and you've got me laughing my arse off already!
Good luck with those pics... you never know, you just might win the big one!
Fingers crossed!

Elaine said...

ho ho ho! Our Show isn't till the third Saturday in August, which gives us all the summer holidays to come up with the photos and the rest of the limerick. Phew.

Surely Strawberry Jam Anne is in for a chance?!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I sure hope you were chuckling while you went through that process.

I'm jealous of the just picked raspberries.

Robynn's Ravings said...

You got SOMETHING and proof that you can catch air. The only proof I have of that is that I keep exchanging air in my lungs (mind you, I'm eternally grateful). Nothing even remotely resembling biking daring-do. Keep pedaling, Lancette Armstrong!

Vicus Scurra said...

The photographs that you captioned "Bicycle" and "wildlife" weren't too bad, but the one captioned "bollocks" does not seem to be there at all - perhaps there is a fault with my browser. Taking everything into consideration, I would lean towards your not fixing this as my preferred option.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant. I await with bated breath to hear the outcome....

My London 'villiage' fete is sadly lacking in such categories - but I did manage to whip up 195 scones for sale!!

Helen P said...

Well, if there was a blogging category you'd get my vote, in the meantime can I suggest a move to the city?

cheshire wife said...

If all of the vilage is putting as much effort into things as you are, it should be a very good show. Sadly, or maybe thankfully, we don't have a show here.

Ladybird World Mother said...

You are such a lovely lot... thank you for such encouragement!! Dashing here and there this week as end of term and everything needs to be done, it seems.... will let you all know the outcome of the Show!! Sorry to cop out and do just one comment, especially as they made me smile and one made me laugh so much I snorted. Attractive. (your fault VS)

Valerie said...

Oh stop it, I've got a pain through laughing. God bless the robin for keeping still for a few minutes. I swear no-one in Blogshire has such a sure-fire ability to make us laugh.
I've put a recommendation for your site on my 'blogs must visit' list.

Troy said...

I guess the wildlife photo just goes to show how difficult it is to get a robin and a pair of tits in a single picture.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh Valerie thank you!! For lovely comment and for recommendation too. How kind you are... glad you got a giggle out of post... :)
Troy - How damned nice to see you! And how heartily did I laugh at your comment... (although may I say that Husband managed to get a robin and a pair of tits in picture very nicely. Don't you think. Tits a bit far apart though. Maybe he's used to that...)

Valerie said...

I'm back. Could you nip over to my blog, there's an award waiting for you.

Rinkly Rimes said...

Came on a recommendation and I wasn't sorry!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Valerie - have been and collected my award IMMEDIATELY!! Thrilled to bits. Thanks so much. It really is so amazing when someone recommends you and likes what you do. And says it. Thanks enormously! X
RR - Very glad to hear it!!

Maggie May said...

I have been on several outings & had a robin laugh its head off at me pointing my camera & shooting, while it flew off in a tantalizing manner, leaving me with bare ground and twigs for a photo.
HOWEVER! I have a new camera now & am waiting for a suitable robin to appear!!!!!!

Love the little robin on the statues! At least you caught it!

Twiglet said...

Loved your photos!!!! I know the feeling. I love snapping the birds in my garden but haven't really got the right equipment - it doesn't stop me producing wonderful out of focus pics of miniscule tits (feathered variety!)
Hope you had a good "Show" day.

Ladybird World Mother said...

MM - a new camera.. am most impressed. Come on those Robins!
Twiglet - glad your miniscule tits are like mine, as it were... :) !

BT said...

Oh now I have really laughed out loud and have tears streaming around my face. Now I understand about the bicycle. I am reading your blog backwards you see. Not a good idea really. We went through all this just as you are. Photographs are a nightmare at times. Visions of you whizzing up that plank and I'm laughing again!!

Ladybird World Mother said...

BT - you are just like me... I read blogs backwards too!! Glad you had a giggle... nothing quite like a good laugh!