Monday, 27 July 2009

In Which Youngest Displays Worrying Teenage Traits

Went to cafe in nearby village today.
Youngest ordered huge hot chocolate and croissant.
Promptly spilled hot chocolate all over croissant.
I clear it up, in seconds. Two decades of spillages has made me deft and speedy.
Find cloth, new plate, new knife, new spoon, plonk old croissant on new plate, hot chocolate on new saucer, wipe around table, check Youngest for detritus. Sit back and sip coffee. Get admiring looks from New Mother over the way. I acknowledge her admiration with a friendly nod. Youngest still looking Cross and Grumpy.
Oh, not again, think I.
What?' I ask, somewhat impatiently. 'I've mopped you all up. Eat your croissant and drink your chocolate.'
'Can I have sugar in my chocolate?' he asks, hopefully.
'No.'
And I Mean No.
'Why not?'
'Because there is already half a ton of it in there,' I explain.
'Please?'
'No.'
'I won't finish my drink,' he threatens, menacingly. For a five year old.
'No.'
Finally he twigs. As he always does.
She Means It.
Puts his face in his arms.
In Tragic Tones, deep from the depths of his sleeve,
'Mummy,' he moans,
'You just Don't Understand Me.'
Oh.
Whatever.

21 comments:

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Five year olds can sound menacing - can't they?

Sometimes I think I am 5 and they are 40 odd. I do doubletakes constantly.

Lovely post. Nicely encapsulates motherhood and its Dilemmas.

Clippy Mat said...

ah well he is only 5! lots of time to beat it out of him.
;-)

Valerie said...

I'm sorry to laugh at these dilemmas, but Oooo it's the way you tell 'em. Well, go on, admit it, you don't understand him, do you? Did I ever!

Vicus Scurra said...

You realise, don't you that within 20 years he will have left home. I trust that you are making plans to continue to be able to fill these pages when that time has elapsed.

Pam said...

I have thus far kept my son from knowing that hot chocolate exists, because once he does, it's all over. Your boy sounds like a real character - should keep you on your toes!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Hadriana - yup, sure can... but they crumble like sand when put up against my I'm The Mother Face. Eventually. Thanks for kind comment. Hope you are ok X
CM - Ah, beating!! Now thats an idea...
Valerie - Absolutely dont understand him at all!! WHY doesnt he behave in public places and WHY does he kick up a fuss over sugar. For god's sake :)
Love him though...
VS - Ah...but then I will have grand children and the whole bloomin' caboodle can start all over again. Marvellous. What???! You can't bear it? OK, will do posts about flowers and arranging... better? ;)
Pam - Very Good Plan. No chocolate. Wish I'd done that. Well, actually, had done that for first three, and then relented. Not Good!

The Dotterel said...

That's so NOT FAIR!

wonderwoman said...

hate to say it, but it gets worse!

x

Tatersmama said...

Do you ever get the "it's just not fair" said in a whining, irritating voice?
That's the one I hate the most and the one that drives me closer and closer to potential bodily harm.
On the bum!

Fair? Who said life is fair? You're only 5 years old for crying out loud, so just wait until you're 40 yrs old and a five year old starts this crap on YOU!
THEN you'll know what's "not fair"!
Shut up and drink your chocolate NOW, or I'll drink it myself!
;-)

Elaine said...

Well done, for saying "No" and meaning it so that Youngest twigs!

two decades of spillages? wow, am in awe of your wider-age-spread-family.

At the moment am adopting mother of three under five year olds, who looks upon me as the font of all wisdom. But hey, she IS sleep deprived...

Diane said...

I had a mother-to-be once look at me in awe (or very possibly, digust) when I wiped a booger (without a tissue) and didn't blink. "Oh, honey," I said, "this is nothing... just you wait!" I think of her often. And chuckle ;)

Mud in the City said...

Maybe he's just really advanced for his age and will have grown out of teenage angst by the time he's 9? Then who'll be laughing in the playground?!

willow said...

Man, it seems like mine were just five yesterday. Thanks for stopping by my place!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Can just picture it LWM - ha ha! Have just spent last week looking after 5 year old grand-daughter while my daughter was at work. Heard her say "IT'S NOT FAIR" to her Mummy and "FINE"! She was an angel for me! A x

simplelife said...

I just found your blog from A Vision Splendid, I have giggled and nodded my way through several of your older posts. I love it. I can relate to so much of what you write and love your sense of humour.

cheers Kate

Ladybird World Mother said...

The D - AND??!! :)
WW - don't I know it... my 20 year old drives me to drink. And thats on a good day!
Tatersmama - With every word you said I have nodded wisely!! You do make me laugh. ;)
Elaine - No is a good word.. although quite hard to say on occasion! And am sure that you are font of all wisdom...;)
Diane - !!! oh that made me laugh. Done that once or twice but never with an audience!!
Mud - Now thats a plan.. wouldnt it be great to have the one teenager that is so mature and wise that they all look upn to him... I wish!!
Willow - time does fly by, doesn't it...will be back to see you v soon!
Anne - Aha, so that's it... grandmothers get the good bits! Oh roll on grandmotherhood!!xx
Simplelife - oh so glad you like it!! Nothing quite beats a damned good giggle!

Robynn's Ravings said...

OH! A DRAMA king! I own one - wouldn't trade him. Always vascillating between killing and kissing him but aren't they a RIOT?! LOVE this. But of course we know they're right - who COULD understand the workings of those brains of theirs?! XOXOXOXOX!

Word Veri is "Opylormo." Sounds like the perfect thing to describe these snits. "Oh lord....he's going all opylormo on me again!"

Ladybird World Mother said...

Robynn - glad you have your drama king too! What WOULD we do without them... love the word veri... sometimes they are just so apt... XX

Stephanie Faris said...

So cute! I remember going to Paris, food capitol of the world, and ordering hot chocolate. It was bitter. I had to add sugar. I'd never had hot chocolate that had to have sugar added.

Ladybird World Mother said...

SF - Aha! This solves the mystery... Youngest has obviously been to Paris on secret mission, and added sugar to his Hot Chocolate there.... now all is clear. ;) (actually I think I have got to the bottom of the mystery of why he wants sugar... cos Daddy lets him!!! )

BT said...

Super post, you are so heartless!