Once upon a time had a Very Embarrassing Moment.
I Left The Phone Off The Hook During Children's Bath Time.
I can hear the Collective Intake of Breath.
The phone was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, supposedly Not On.
'Get your clothes off and for god's sake, stop fiddling with your willy...was one stern command.
'Take off your pants and get in the bath, was another.
'Who has farted?'
'Stop bloody splashing.'
'Take your pants off your head. No, it is Not Funny.'
There then followed a Long and Protracted Bath time chat. With conversations like the following..
Hurry up! Come on! Have you cleaned your bottom?
Have you cleaned your willy?
No, stop waggling it about. It's not funny. No, it isn't. No. Stop.
Take your finger out of your nose. Why? Because it's horrible seeing it up there.
Stop farting in the bath. Who is farting in the bath?
Who needs a poo?
Type of stuff.
Put phone back on receiver once bathtime was over. Phone rang almost immediately. My Friend T was on the end. In tears. So I thought.
You OK I asked anxiously.
Yes, she said, inbetween sniffs and giggles.
What's up? I asked, now a little concerned.
Have...heard... sniff... giggle... everything you have said... Bathtime... poo... willies... she went off in gales of laughter.
You what...? Light dawned. Oh, Christ.
But how... did you ring? Trying to clear up this mystery.
Yes, she said. Your darling daughter answered but left conversation, as young tend to do, mid way. In bathroom.
Right. said I. So you heard Everything.
Yup, she stated somewhat Trimphantly. And you know what, my friend. I am So Glad You Do It Too.
Do What, exactly? I asked tentatively.
Oh, she said. Giggling a little again. You know. Shout.
We then had the most wonderful 5 minutes of realising that we both are Perfectly Ghastly to our children on occasion.
And we finished our brief talk with me feeling amazing. My darling friend had heard me being less than perfect, in fact a right old moody cow, and she liked me more for it! And there was me trying to be Better than I really am all the time.
Marvellous moment it was.
Then shouted at children to get their pyjamas on and stop Arsing About.
And who had wee'ed on the loo seat.
And Why Do You Never Put The Towels Back On The Towel Rail?
Some Things never change.
Friendship, for one.
Thanks, T! X