Friday, 20 March 2009

Embarrassing moment at Bath Time

Once upon a time had a Very Embarrassing Moment.
I Left The Phone Off The Hook During Children's Bath Time.
I can hear the Collective Intake of Breath.
The phone was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, supposedly Not On.
'Get your clothes off and for god's sake, stop fiddling with your willy...was one stern command.
'Take off your pants and get in the bath, was another.
'Who has farted?'
'Stop bloody splashing.'
'Take your pants off your head. No, it is Not Funny.'
There then followed a Long and Protracted Bath time chat. With conversations like the following..
Hurry up! Come on! Have you cleaned your bottom?
Have you cleaned your willy?
No, stop waggling it about. It's not funny. No, it isn't. No. Stop.
Take your finger out of your nose. Why? Because it's horrible seeing it up there.
Stop farting in the bath. Who is farting in the bath?
Who needs a poo?
Type of stuff.
Put phone back on receiver once bathtime was over. Phone rang almost immediately. My Friend T was on the end. In tears. So I thought.
You OK I asked anxiously.
Yes, she said, inbetween sniffs and giggles.
What's up? I asked, now a little concerned.
Have...heard... sniff... giggle... everything you have said... Bathtime... poo... willies... she went off in gales of laughter.
You what...? Light dawned. Oh, Christ.
The phone.
But how... did you ring? Trying to clear up this mystery.
Yes, she said. Your darling daughter answered but left conversation, as young tend to do, mid way. In bathroom.
Right. said I. So you heard Everything.
Yup, she stated somewhat Trimphantly. And you know what, my friend. I am So Glad You Do It Too.
Do What, exactly? I asked tentatively.
Oh, she said. Giggling a little again. You know. Shout.
We then had the most wonderful 5 minutes of realising that we both are Perfectly Ghastly to our children on occasion.
And we finished our brief talk with me feeling amazing. My darling friend had heard me being less than perfect, in fact a right old moody cow, and she liked me more for it! And there was me trying to be Better than I really am all the time.
Marvellous moment it was.
Then shouted at children to get their pyjamas on and stop Arsing About.
And who had wee'ed on the loo seat.
And Why Do You Never Put The Towels Back On The Towel Rail?
Some Things never change.
Friendship, for one.
Thanks, T! X


Catharine Withenay said...

Some friends are simply the best thing ever: take you and support you every which way you come.

But best of all when laughing with you!

Anonymous said...

You should have told her that is was Husband's bathtime and not the children. I wonder what she'd have said to that?

Granny on the Web said...

Mother's of the World Unite!!!!

I was just the same.

Love Granny

Neas Nuttiness said...

Both Catharine and Mud in the City - were spot on.

PurpleClover said...

Yes, I've come to realize we all pretend to be Supermom but then it's in these few moments that we come to really know and love our friends because they are just like us - imperfect, rediculously overwhelmed and exhausted, mothers.

Robynn's Ravings said...

Why do we posture so much to represent ourselves as something we're not when it's our foibles that stitch us together?!

Loved this and also all the descriptions. Call it what you will, "Loo Seat" or "Toilet Seat." If you have a boy, they are WET the world over!! Nothing so yummy as damp thighs when one rises from the seat not having noticed the sprinkling! YUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Thanks for stopping by and you know you have my undying devotion and LOVE! xoxox

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

A true friend LWM and you have at least 61 others - I just checked! A x

Tatersmama said...

Hahahah... that's so funny!

You SHOUT at your kids????

OMG...We must be twins separated at birth! Here I went through my children's growing up years feeling like I was a abysmal mother because I occasionaly shouted at my children... and now I find that I had *sisters* all over the world!

Teresa said...

Hi, I'm over here from Robynn's place. I enjoy your posts so much.
We are getting nice weather here in California and I had the windows open for the first time this spring (first actual day of spring today). Never fails. I hear myself for what I really sound like when the windows are open!

Pam said...

wonderful and true!
My son did get his own back once though. I snuck out of the busy zoo toilets without washing my hands and he exclaimed loudly "mummy wash your hands!" Little bugger.

Anonymous said...

I think I'm glad I had a girl. Excellent post!

CJ xx

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

If you haven't seen this, you may want to share it with your friend!

Ladybird World Mother said...

CW - totally agree. Aren't friends like that just the best!
Mud - !!! did my spitting out of tea act when I read your comment... she might have thought twice about our friendship?!
Granny - so glad to hear it. Lets hear it for the Mothers!
NN - Sure were... but then they always are!
PC - wonderful to show your imperfections and for them to accept them full on and still embrace the friendship. Love it!
Robynn - !!! so know that damp thigh thing! Will be back over to yours asap. XXXX
Anne - so I have!! How exciting. Thanks for looking!
tatersmama - Isn't it brilliant. I dont think I would be quite so aware of how many of us feel so quietly hopeless at this mothering lark, but for blogging. People can be a tad more honest than they might be at the school gate! good, isnt it...
Teresa - Hi!! Nice to see you.So glad to hear that you are having spring like weather. Isnt it wonderful!
Pam- How very dare he! Not so good when boot is on other foot!
CJ - Yup. No willies to talk about. As it were.
RTBC123 - I loved it! Played it in front of my two middle children, who looked blankly at the video... asking me why I found it so funny!! I told them to wait a quarter of a century. Then they would find it funny. Thanks for the link!

Debs said...

So funny. That post takes me back to when my two were small. Oh the joys of motherhood.

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh you just described N3S's batht ime conversations!

Troy said...

Interesting new words on your blog header. I used to work with a Joy. That was long before I saw your new words. I never bound myself to her or kissed her. Probably would have got a sexual harrassment claim if I had. (She'll never know what she missed!).

cheshire wife said...

My mother always used to take the phone into the bathroom when she had a bath in case it rang. I personally use a bath as am excuse to get away from the phone. Anyway one day she knocked it down the loo. So now the phone doesn't go in the bathroom anymore.

Suburbia said...

Funny how we all say the same things!

The Dotterel said...

Any posts about conversations transmitted via baby-monitor? (Hope so!)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Debs - joys indeed! Bathtime maybe not...
DJK - struck a chord, eh? Why is it that bathtime conversations plunge deep down into Rude Talk?!
Troy - Jolly well hope she didnt fly either. Or maybe she did... off the handle...
CW - !!! oh dear. I can imagine the expletives on losing phone down the loo... glad to hear her bathroom is now phoneless.
Suburbia - I know... and how we can identify so easily with each other. Thank goodness for that!
The D - What a good idea!! I did over hear baby monitor once, most embarrassing. Left the monitor in bedroom, still plugged in, after overnight visit to huge house. Went back another time and had another bedroom using new monitor. At breakfast time next morning was in Dining Room (huge) and overheard amorous couple. Oops. My new monitor was picking up from old monitor. Very funny.

NaomiG said...

HAHAHAHAH!!! Love this one! I wish I had written down all the crazy weird stuff I've said (yelled) to my children, as a mother. It would make a very interesting book.

Iota said...

Always marvellous to know you're not the only one...

Ladybird World Mother said...

Naomi - amazing how awful we probably all are to our children over the years! Glad to hear this struck a chord with you too... nice one.
Iota - God, isnt it just... takes the sting out of the tail (tale!) well and truly.