Friday, 30 July 2010

Millie...RIP

Yesterday has to go down in the annals of our history as a Truly Shit Day.
Millie, Daughter's beloved rabbit, escaped from the chicken run, where she resided with 4 chickens and 2 chicks, to explore the wilds of West Sussex. Or the Big Field, next to our garden.
She never came back, and all we could find was a small clump of the softest white fur, near the boundary of our garden.
So unbearably sad for my little girl, who wailed and cried and HURT all of yesterday, and on into the night. And is still hurting today. Her little eyes are red, and I keep spying her sloping off to have a quiet weep on her own.
Just awful.
But that's not the worst.
The worst is that it's my fault.
You see, I left the gate open to the chicken run.
I was responsible.
And it kills me that I have hurt my darling daughter by my carelessness.
The 'quick, quick' mentality that has become my life, because there just isn't enough time.
Bollocks.
There is ALWAYS enough time.
I just didn't spend it properly
And the consequences are horrid.
No happy ending to this post. I feel bleak and sad and bloody stupid.
In the meantime, Daughter needs lots of cuddles and time.
And I am trying hard to do that.
And ensuring that NEVER again do I sacrifice being careful for being hasty.
To hell with Crap Mother World.
Bring on Totally Crap Mother World.

God bless, Millie. I'm SO SORRY.

27 comments:

CambridgeLady said...

Oh goodness ..... that could be any one of us - we all rush and cut corners and occasionally crap happens........ Sending you both a big hug. Don't lose hope ..... she may not have ventured far. Put lots of posters up and get people looking for her. Good luck xx

Troy said...

On such a sad day I won't leave a crass comment. I'll just send my condolences and not rabbit on.

Lakeland Jo said...

Oh no. Are you sure she is definitely RIP or perhaps just lost? on an adventure. I am so sorry your little girl is sad :(

Humdrum Mum said...

Whilst I am sorry for your loss, don't beat yourself up about it. We are all human, and you are mum to a big family with lots to do. You probably weren't thinking Oh I'll just leave that gate open because I want to put my feet up to watch Jezza Kyle, but probably your head was full of things to remember for your family! You are not a crap mother! -HMx

Mud in the City said...

Ach - how horrid. Probably even more horrid for you than your daughter! Sending hugs, and carrots.
xx

martine said...

Huge sympathies. I remember when our first cat was killed by a car, my son, who was 11, was so distraught as she had been around his entire life. it's important to allow proper grief and not to brush it off as 'just an animal'. maybe make a little memorial or something, we have always had funerals for our animals and marked the spot in some way, usually with stones.
with much love
martine

grumpyoldwoman said...

Sending a big hug to each and every one of you - nobody's 'fault' - shit happens.

Ladybird World Mother said...

CL - oh thanks for the hug... I really think she is gone for good, but so nice of you to be so damned kind! x
Troy - didnt think I would smile today, but just have!! xx
LJ - thanks, Jo. Am def. that she is RIP... thanks for kind words. All appreciated this end today! x
HM - thank you thank you. Such lovely things you are all saying... I am full of sudden cheer at your niceness. xx
Mud - hugs and carrots much appreciated. xx
Martine - you are so right. We will do all of that, I think this weekend. Daughter just too sad to do it yet... lovely comment. Thank you! xx
gow - thank you! Shit happens... love it, just what I needed to hear. xx

wonderwoman said...

don't give yourself such a hard time - we all do things we shouldn't when we are in a rush - it was a horrid mishap .

xx

Pam said...

Please don't beat yourself up - it's not like you did it on purpose. As mums we have a million things going on and it's so easy to be scatty sometimes. Millie was loved and had a good life and she'll be missed. You can't ask for more than that. Big hugs to you & your daughter X

Kathy G said...

I'll second all those who said it's not your fault. Something good will come of it...you just don't know what it is yet.

Robynn's Ravings said...

You did nothing intentionally...just an absent-minded moment amid a very full life. Who hasn't had those? Now, I'll go along with Crap Mother because I'm a member of that club. But Totally Crap Mother? Uh, I think not. That's reserved for mothers who wouldn't have cared less and would have told the child to get over it.

I'm still bucking for a rabbit return. I'm with Cambridge Lady - put up signs and a photo and tell everyone a little girl is VERY sad. I'll be saying prayers for a safe return! And big hugs to you because we work so HARD to save our children from heartache. It's hard to forgive ourselves for being regular, fallible human beings. I'm so sorry!!!

geraldgee said...

Dont give up,it may well come home...xx

Kevin Musgrove said...

[hug]
Stuff. Life. Don't beat yourself up.

trash said...

Bugger, life lessons rarely seem to be pleasant do they?

Hope poor wee girl finds consolation soon. Recognise it may take you a bit longer.

鄭美玉 said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bernie said...

Gosh I am sorry for you, your daughter and Millie.....just perhaps she may come home yet. Let's hope so.
Be gentle with yourself, any one of us could of left that gate open, it happens. Try and have a good weekend.......:-) Hugs

June said...

Oh dear, that's horrible. You do know, though, that when y'have animals, they always "go" in some way that causes intense guilt and (of course) woe.
Several years ago I drove over and killed my own dog...the only thing that could have made that worse is if I had had a young daughter to suffer along with me.

Sandy Calico said...

Oh that it just the pits, you poor things. Sending (((HUGS))) x

palomino said...

Oh dear I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking when they lose an animal. We lost my first pony in May at the grand age of 32, who Zac had grown up round all his life. He was devastated, in fact for weeks every evening I'd find him sitting under the pear tree where she'd laid down and not got up again, and he has her picture as wallpaper on his phone.

There is no way you're a Totally Crap mother . They're the ones who wouldn't even think of feeling guilty.

Many hugs to you both xxx

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Such a shame but don't beat yourself up over it; we are only human at the end of the day. Perhaps a new bunny will help with the grief.

Love to you and your beautiful girl,
CJ xx

Working Mum said...

So sorry for your daughter. What a sad experience for her. Let her know that Millie will be in bunny heaven now with lots of carrots and comfy hay.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Thank you all for SUCH lovely comments and kindness. We are still SAD about this wretched bunny... so silly when such awful things go on in the world, and all we are worrying about is a dead rabbit. But still... Daughter still sad but being resilient. Keeping her busy. On a sailing course today with her brother, so that should be fun.
I have crashing headache and feel like a load of bollocks. Yeerrch. Waiting to feel better.
Make sure you all have a good day. Lots of love to you all. xxxx

Kitty said...

Oh my, that is sad. I feel for you enormously; it's the sort of thing I'd do. It's probably not much comfort right now, but it is good for our kids to know that we all make mistakes. Is there any chance you might still find Millie? Thinking of you (all) :) x

吳林怡廷佳宇 said...

Poverty tries friends...................................................................

Libby's Library said...

Weeping with you and sending {{{hugs}}}.

Tattie Weasle said...

As has been said it could happen to anyone of us. very glad you weren't talking about a gold fish as the word verification today is "Sushi"!