Monday, 26 July 2010

There's something in my Compost. Sod it, can you think of a catchier title??

Made a nice cup of tea last Friday morning. Scooped tea bag out of steaming cup and hurled it into compost bin, which lurks damply in the cupboard under the sink. I know it is the compost bin because it helpfully says COMPOST BIN on the side.
As I shut cupboard door, could have sworn that I saw something Move in the Compost Bin. Opened door wide again and peered into compost bin.
Buggering Bollocks.
Something WAS moving. Under the tea bag.
First things first.
Opened mouth wide, and turned throat inside out in Blood Curdling Scream. At top of voice. Through the open window, between Screams, I could hear the sound of Children Playing in the school opposite our house, on the other side of the lane.
It stands to reason that if I could hear them, then they could hear me.
Closed mouth and stopped screaming. Began to laugh hard instead. Actually had to clap hands over mouth to stop the hysteria.
Peered in compost again.
Something Definitely Alive and Moving.
Insects Galore?
None of the above.
Instead I spy a Hamster.
Daughter's Hamster.
Blinking up at me in decidedly unhappy fashion.
What in hell's name was the hamster doing in my compost bin, when it was supposed to be in its cage, asleep?
Poor little mite had the teabag on its head and was not looking Best Pleased with life. Considering the tea bag was Hot. And Steaming.
Lifted Sandy (hamster, not tea bag) out of compost and gently removed tea drops from head and placed said Hamster back in cage where it should have sodding well been anyway.
And wondered how on EARTH it got out, crossed the room without being eaten by two cats, (and trodden on by three gullumping children) opened the cupboard door, climbed UP AND OVER AND INTO the compost bin, and then.... GONE TO SLEEP?????
Words fail me.
Suffice it to say that I did enjoy that cup of tea.
And made bloody sure that the door of Said Cage was kept firmly shut.
At least the poor little blighter didn't get Mouldy Jam on her head.
Or the entire contents of the Cafetiere.
Or looked like this one. On this head. Now that WOULD have been bad.


Tatersmama said...

How in the world do they DO that? Escape, I mean??
I once found my daughters hampster happily ensconced in a cereal packet, 2 floors down from where it should have been.
Stuffing it's face with cornflakes until it was totally stretched out and unrecognizable. So unrecognizable, that I thought I had discovered a whole new hamster, and I promptly named it Gertrude. I never thought to check the upstairs cage, until my daughter returned home and screamed the house down, looking for her "Lucy". *sigh*

June said...

Must have been the call of the wild that drew Sandy to your garbage.
Good to know, isn't it? the little thing could survive if s/he ever made it out the door...which s/he might one day.

Kathy G said...

Thanks for the morning laugh. Keep us updated on any new details of the case.

CambridgeLady said...

Buggering bollocks indeed! :o) How did that happen? Brilliant - made me giggle. Luckily our hamster is too elderly to escape his cage even if we leave the door open.

grumpyoldwoman said...

One of ours once disappeared and we resigned ourselves to its having left home, and then a couple of nights later I was curled up in the armchair reading when I heard a chomping sound and peered down the side of the chair to see it happily stuffing itself with the stuffing from the chair! They get everywhere!!

martine said...

Had huge girly moment the other day when I opened the compost bin to find it crawling with maggots, several dropped out and I shrieked for other half to rescue me and was so creeped out could not even sweep up the ones trying to escape under the cat's bowl. all this from a woman who can cope just fine with bags of dead mice in the freezer. Am glad out gerbil stays safely in her cage.
thanks for sharing

Pam said...

Great stuff! Poor little thing but has been shocked when you plopped a tea-bag on him. My cat used to get under the sink and I swear the thing was shut most of the time. Some animals are just born explorers!

Boyfromoz said...

Brilliantly funny!

Vicus Scurra said...

Are you sure it was the same hamster? Perhaps your compost is so good that a micro-culture developed, evolved and produced a new hamster.
My compost heap has a civilisation where all of the inhabitants believe that Esther Rantzen has some redeeming features. Naturally, I make sure that I keep the lid on in case some of the bastards escape.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

How funny - did your screams wake her up? Are you sure she hasn't been auditioning for the next remake of Alice in Wonderland (you know, playing the role of the dormouse in the teapot). A x

Jayne said...

That's hilarious!!! I must remember not to read your blogs in work - the laughter makes it very obvious that I am, in fact, not working!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Tatersmama - OMG. Cannot believe that your hamster was in CEREAL PACKET. Will now have to check those too, in addition to compost each morning!! Loved your comment. xx
June - DONT!! Cant cope with the drama of a complete escape...xx
Kathy G - will do!! Nothing to report today. Sandy fast asleep in her cage. All is as it should be....xx
CL - oh, how sweet. An Elderly Hamster. Visual of tiny glasses on his nose and a newspaper, sitting in corner of cage just biding his time... xx
GOW - OMG the hamster stories you lot have could fill a book. LETS WRITE ONE!!You must have got the fright of your life... I would have done my screaming thing, which would probably have killed the little dear. xx
Martine - just one question, my friend. Bags of mice?? In Freezer?? Will have to come over to yours to find out NOW!! XX
Pam - glad your cat wasnt under my sink when the hamster got in. Could have been carnage. xx
Boy - thanks!! x
VS - dont even get me started on Esther Rantzen....keep that lid on tightly... actually, come to think of it, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT ESTHER RANTZEN???! Aha, have just checked your comment and now know where we are. Carry on keeping that lid on. xx
Anne - oh, now THAT is what she looked like!! All blinky and sleepy. Bless.xx
Jayne - now that would be a bit of a give away, guffaws at work!! Will do very serious one next time. Not. You can always say that you are researching?? Hamsters in compost?? xx

Mud in the City said...

I remember my mum discovering the hamster (a long haired hamster I might add) in the middle of a home baked apple pie that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

she was some what sticky, and the pie was a little hairy too.

王李秀樺姵君 said...


Expat mum said...

Funny post. Thise little blighters get everywhere don't they?

Ladybird World Mother said...

Mud - ewww!! Cooked or uncooked??!
EM - they sure do... but may I say, NEVER AGAIN!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Good thing you didn't compost him! You would have wondered FOREVER what happened to him! Tea is a great poultice, however. Maybe he'll forgive you. :)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Robynn - I know!! The thought of a composted hamster. Not good. xx