Friday, 13 November 2009

Things that go Thump on the Petrol Forecourt

Bloody hate Insurance Companies.
A Lorry very thoroughly reversed, at high speed, into my Golf last week.
Had stopped at Petrol Station for some water. For the car. Not me.
At the time of Impact wasn't in car. Was staring into the boot of the car, trying to work out what I could clean my hands on, having twisted off Filthy Water Cap in front of car.
The choice was not good.
Youngest's clean trousers, or Pristine White Shirt about to go to charity shop.
Had decided on bit of rather unpleasant carpet lurking around in boot when suddenly heard Almighty Crash.
My car.
Thumped into by Vast Lorry.
On emerging from boot and Quandry about dirty hands, was astonished to see Huge Lorry disappearing out of petrol station at High Speed.
Was naturally somewhat Cross. So legged it after Said Lorry and shouted some really rather rude words at the driver. Who stopped.
Uh, oh, I thought. Road Rage and all that.
Man opened the door of lorry cab and asked me politely what the matter was.
Stuttering and Red with Rage (road?? not sure, more like Concrete Forecourt of Petrol Station Rage) I told him what had happened.
Words like Sodding, Bloody, and even, yes, even the F word were used. I hang my head in shame.
Kind driver leaped out and inspected damage. Which was quite a lot really.
Bashed in lights and bits of car. Suspicious looking liquid making its way merrily across the concrete.
'Oh,' he said. 'Sorry.'
Some time later, having exchanged numbers, details and all that sort of what not, limped home in poor little car, feeling Considerable Irritation at all the extra work this was going to mean.
Extra work?
Have spent HOURS AND HOURS telling people on the phone what happened. Why. When. How. Who. What. Whither. Etc. (Also told Family, friends, people in shop, people in hairdresser, people queuing in post office, school run friends and man who came to sweep the chimney)
FINALLY car was taken to garage. Done. Sorted.
Car remained in garage for a few days. On holiday? Short break? Bargain vacation?
Just doing Nothing.
Rang Garage. Rang Insurance Company.
Rang Garage. Rang Insurance Company.
Rang Garage. Rang Insurance Company.
Rang Garage. Rang Insurance Company.
Talked to lots of different people and told them all exactly the same thing. Four times.
Was told that car would 'receive an estimate in the next 24 hours.' That I couldn't have a courtesy car as car wasn't actually 'Being Repaired Yet'.
Finally Flipped.
On being told that car would be in garage for another seven to ten days... told nice lady at end of phone to Please Find Your Supervisor as I am Most Displeased with the Service I was Most Decidedly Not Getting.
'Sure,' said Lady, quite Curtly I thought, while I listened to yet more Calming Down Those Bastard Customers Music.
You know, tinkly sort of Soothing Sounds. Which are Really Irritating.
Supervisor came on and Soothed. For a while.
In a Supervisory sort of way. After several minutes of Inane Soothing said goodbye.
When got Phone Call.
The other Insurance Company, called Zurich, rang to give me the very welcome news that Said Lorry admitted to being at fault and would Give us the Lolly. As it were.
And then they said... would you like a Courtesy Car? (Courteously)
Yes! I said.
When! they asked.
Monday! I said.
Sure! they said.
Thanks! I said.
No problem! they said.
Bye! I said.
Bye! they said.
Well. You could have knocked me down with a feather. And within ten minutes another kind man had rang, from a Car Hire Company, to say my car would be with me on Monday morning.
Love other people's Insurance Companies!
Have decided that will create Superb Music Listening CD especially for my Insurance Company. To listen to when they need to ring Me.
Will say hello to them. And then will politely ask them to Hold, and then switch on Mind Numbingly Dull Tune. Which they will have to listen to while I make a cup of tea and go to the Lavatory.
Will then return, apologise for the wait, and make them hold Just Once More while I de-flea the cat.
That should do it.
Oh, and will then say that I can't do it. Whatever it is that they want me to do.
And hang up.

Can then sell CD on Itunes and make a fortune.
Call it The Waiting Game.
Anyone want one?


Tatersmama said...

Oh-my-f-wording-gosh! Don't you just hate it when that happens?
But is the driver trying to tell you that he had no idea that he had reversed into you in the first place??
And you were standing 'behind' the car when he hit you?
I'm just glad that YOU didn't need crash repairs!!

How much are you going to ask for the CD of Mind Numbingly dull tunes?
Put me down for 2 please!
I have an insurance company of my own, and they must be affiliated with yours...

Mwa said...

What a nightmare. And all for something you didn't do.

grumpyoldwoman said...

EDF have a tune that repeats constantly 'its not easy being green' - I have decided to have it at my funeral as it will leave everyone feeling irritated (just as I do now). And dont get me started on Insurance companies............

Vicus Scurra said...

Can I sing on your CD please?

geraldgee said...

Thank God L'bird you were'nt up the front end when he reversed into

Alix said...

Oh dear God. You did it... you have crafted the perfect post.

Perfect in subject matter.
Perfect in content.
Perfect in humor.
Perfectly delivered.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.

I bestow on it the crown.

Congratulations. And thank you.

Anonymous said...

YES! I want a copy of that CD. There are two things in this world that I truly hate - and insurance companies are one of them (you'll have to guess what the other one is).

I invented some new variations of the f-word during several conversations with my insurance company a few years back.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Tatersmama - f-wording-gosh! Love it... will use that today.
Have noted that you want two Very Dull Tunes CDs. May be some time as I have to find REALLY dull stuff to put on them. xxx
Mwa - just not fair, eh. Made me a tad cross. As you might have noticed!!
gow - now that is a brilliant idea. Muzak at funerals!! Actually, that is EXACTLY what that awful music sounds like at cemetries. Awful.x
VS - Darling of course you can. Can you make it REALLY DULL???xx
gg - I know. I went a bit cold when I realised that. No legs would be bad indeed. x
alix - oh, you say the nicest bloody things, you do!! Thank you. And glad you liked it. xx
Jeff - on its way. As soon as I have made it of course. Oh, and a nice new F word. Fark seems quite sweet. Or Foock. Whats your one??!x

geraldgee said...

Foock is Nnorth of St Albans. xx

geraldgee said...

bit of a stammer there xx

London City Mum said...

Some insurance companies (you may recall my ranting post about B'Stard Company's very unhelpful health insurer) seem to abide by the "Computer says no" modus operandi.

Good for you. Love the CD idea. Can I be your agent?


Donn said...

Hell hath no fury like an insurgent scorned.

Well, I recently bumped into some dude at about 5kph who had stopped in traffic (said he was looking up at a f*n plane) in lieu of inching along like the other traffic-zombies!

I took pictures and couldn't see any damage on his little toy car but it will cost me $200 on my license next year.

Now I have an electron microscope in the back of the van just in case it happens again.

martine frampton said...

Agree it is better to de-flea the cat than deal with insurance people:-)
thanks for sharing
much love Martine

Tattie Weasle said...

Top tip: I always go for the Sue'em option. Go for stress, lost income, flea powder you name it - I find that when I threaten them (any insurance or equally absurd buearucrat) they become amazingly good at their jobs, which is after all what I pay my subs for! What is worrying is that I've got the whole thing down pat...

The Dotterel said...

Yes please! Oh, and I could play the ukulele if you want...

Catharine Withenay said...

I'll have a copy of that CD, please.

Blimey, you've had a rough time. I only wish your experience with insurance companies and garages surprised me. 'Customer first' seems to be the last thing on their mind. Grrrr....

Troy said...

Calm down dear, they were probably just filming a commercial!

Good to see you were a Winner getting the courtesy car.

Ladybird World Mother said...

GG - bbbad llluck about the ssstammmer.x
LCM - hooray!! I have an agent... yes please. Will let you know when I have created something bad enough to do something with. may be some time. x
Donn - you poor thing... that is damned annoying... and there is never a bloomin thing you can do about it. x
mf - sure is. De'flea'ing cat is useful. Talking to insurance companies is not!x
TW - Right. next time I get into something like this will use that option... sure felt cross enough!x
The D - the ukelele!! You're in. Now I have agent, ukelele player and a singer!! This should go down a storm. x
CW - copy on its way as soon as its made. Which may be some time as it needs to be REALLY BORING. X
Troy - !!!As I read your comment, that voice of Michael Winter came into my head before I'd reached the commercial bit!! Awful how some adverts stick. Especially such bad ones. Good about the courtesy car, eh. Missing my green car. Not. Loving this one. Will hate it when it goes back to the hire company. Perhaps I can find that lorry again??

Troy said...

I forced to ask -who's Michael Winter?
(calm down dear, it's only a typo)

Oh, and word verification is car themed with "opels" (which is shorter than typing "kraut vauxhalls").

Ladybird World Mother said...

I meant WINNER!! Oh dear. Will calm down... its only a comment. xx

Nancy said...

I'll buy it! I think they put us on hold, grab their nail file, file away, go get a drink, go potty, and then come back to tell us it will just be a bit longer, then they have a snack, chat with their neighbor, file a little more - check to see if we are still there.... repeat as needed.

So I would definitely buy your cd!

Reasons said...

Don't even start me on Insurance companies. Put me down for that CD for sure. xx

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

SELL THE CD! You will make millions. You can give it to everyone who is annoyed with insurers/telesales/anyone.

What are your thoughts for the actual music? Can I suggest Aqua's Barbie Girl for a song that makes me want to kill something within 30 seconds of it starting?

Working Mum said...

Oooo, big rant. Not surprised. Do you think the lorry driver hadn't realised what he'd done?

Yes please to the CD, but not for my insurance company because they are great at sorting out problems and giving me a courtesy car (the car hire company even came and picked me and daughter up and took us to the office to get the hire car!) However, there are many other institutions that I could use it with.

Jo said...

Oh you have to say "bear with me" before you put them on hold.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Nancy - am with you on all of those delightful reasons they have for making us hold... glad to have you on the list for the Most Boring Total Toss Music Ever Played. You're on the list!
Reasons - you're down for it already!! You just wait... you can get your own back. Good eh??!
BIB - Barbie girl has to be so loathesome as to be downright offensive. Great idea. Thanks for that! x
WM - we need to know RIGHT NOW who your insurance company is... I am very impressed that you found a good 'un. x
Jo- Nicely put... bear with me has to be one of the most annoying things anyone can say... esp when you have been bearing with the buggers for fifteen minutes already. x

Pam said...

God bless the little Golf for protecting you (I have one too and love it)
Insurance companies in America are equally vile, so sign me up for the CD :-)

DJ Kirkby said...

OMG how utterly frustrating! You are lucky you didn't get injured when it reversed into your car though. I have the same insurance company as your new one, much better service. Not that I get in accidents a lot you understand but...anyway on to more pleasurable info, I have a fabulous book to give away on my Chez Aspie blog from Sunday so please stop by and join in the fun. x

Ladybird World Mother said...

Pam - I know... bless its little tin heart... I love my golf too!x
DJK - oooh. A give away!! I love those... off now to your blog!!xx

Clippy Mat said...

absolutely brilliant.
put me down for a copy please.
and i could even throw in a few eff words in the chorus. subliminally of course.