Tuesday, 1 September 2009

In Which My Children Find Me Most Amusing. Again.

It seems I have the propensity to do Long Wees.
Not as in 'Off a Cliff' sort of wees. Or from a Very High Tree. We are not talking Height here.
Just Length, as in Time.
Had an audience this morning.
Staggered from warm and cosy bed to bathroom. Sat on loo, hair tousled and upward standing.
Youngest arrives. Sits on edge of bath.
Waits awhile.
'Yup?' Am quite Curt in the morning until Cup of Tea is made and sipped at.
'You do Very Long Wees.' He is looking quite concerned. Listening with his head on one side.
'Oh,' mutter I. Not much to add to that really.
In comes Daughter and Middle Son. Sit on the edge of the bath.
'Listen to Mummy's wee! It goes on and on!' informs Youngest.
'I know,' says Daughter, smugly. 'I've heard her before.'
They start to giggle, as I am still 'Going'.
Start feeling a Tad Cross at lack of peace in my morning rituals.
Carry on, trying to keep up my Dignity.
Giggles start to Crescendo as Wee goes On and On.
Every now and then they think I have Stopped.
When I start again.
Gales of laughter.
Never thought I could be that funny so early.
Finally the entertainmnent comes to an End.
The children wipe the tears of laughter off their faces and go downstairs.
I hear them saying,'
'Let's do that tomorrow!'
Mortar Locks and Bolts spring to mind.

This So Wasn't in the Parents Manual.


Nicola said...

I will be thinking of you with your 'audience' tomorrow during your early morning ablutions! My boys say the same thing. If I really need undisturbed time in the bathroom I sit on the loo with the hairdryer at full blast. They never want to be in the bathroom with me when the hairdryer is going. It's quite a pathetic tactic and never one I thought I would have to resort to for just 2-3 minutes of peace to do a wee.

Mud in the City said...

I'm sending you a virtual padlock for your door!

geraldgee said...

Dear Ladybird WM Tell that Nicola
never to have a hairdryer on in a bathroom.
As for long wees I've got to the age when I could read a complete book while I'm going.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Isn't parenting great? Sometimes we can work so hard to please them and then, the easiest of things. Thanks for the laugh.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Yes - children do that - deprive us of our privacy and our dignity, at times.

You have a wicked sense of humour and I love to come here because I always leave with a smile.

wonderwoman said...

aren't children wonderful!


Jeff D'Antonio said...

Good, wholesome entertainment for the family. Much better than the kind we provided for ours last week, don't you think?

I'll leave you with the wise words you gave to me last week: "Locks are wonderful things I am told. Get one!"

trasha said...

Hahahahahahaha! I am right there laughing with your kids ;-)

Vicus Scurra said...

Nothing personal, but please do not invite me to tomorrow's show.
Even if it is free.

Tatersmama said...

Ahhh...Just think of the memories you're making. *snort*
I'm quite concerned about your children's idea of entertainment though, but I guess it does have an upside.
Since they're so easily pleased, you wouldn't have to book any more party clowns for their birthdays, eh'?

A magician? A party clown? A 40 year old guy dressed as Dora the Explorer?
No... I have an idea!
Mummy can just invite everyone 'round to listen to her WEE!

Hun, I've been there and done that, and once mine finally lost interest, I could then read a magazine halfway through - in PEACE!!!

Matthew said...

The long wee is the sign of a strong bladder. Incontinence would appear to be many years away - a fact for which your children should be eternally grateful.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Nicola - a message from geraldgee for you... dont have your hair drier on in the bathroom... he is most concerned!! Good idea though... will have to think of parallel type noises I could have to put them off... `
Mud - oh hooray... thanks for that!
Just what the doctor ordered, oh, and the desperate for a quiet pee mother...:)
gg- have passed on your message... and had to stop blogging for several minutes while I giggled, about your length of wees. Oh, dear, am off again...
MJ - oh I know... if I'd realised how easy it was to create a good time, would have spent a lot more pennies, and saved a few quid. Silly me. :)
Bonnie - Privacy? Dignity? What are these things, please? And where can I buy them... or is it too late?!
wonderwoman - if you say so!! x
Jeff - oh I dont know, Jeff... your entertainment was on a higher lever altogether! Oh, but thanks for reminding me of my words to you... and passing them back here! Locksmith... here we come (actually those should be your words, eh...)
Trasha - you know, as much as I love you and all, I am
so glad that you werent there too!!!
VS - You sure? It is apparently quite a show...albeit rather a long one.
Tatersmama - I know, I know... my children are a little odd... wouldnt you think they might find something else to entertain themselves. Oh, you read Magazines on the loo? Am so envious. This is my new aim in life. At last, something to aspire to! :)

elizabethm said...

How vividly this brought back the memories of being unable to have any privacy anywhere anytime. God I love having adult children!

Alix said...


No dog and two cats accompanying the wee? No smug teenager thrashing his head against the opposite wall? No husband wailing for his newspaper?

Oh sistah... you've got it easy. Just wait until puberty.

Fanciful post nonetheless. Enjoy the tender moments, even when they are at your expense.

Granny on the Web said...

I thought this post was hilarious, the imaginings going on in my head at your scene in the bathroom.Wow!
I like my peace and quiet at any time of the day for my personal ablutions. Mine are 'long' but only because at my age, it is more a drop at a time, that takes up a lot of time I can tell you.
I, like G.G could read a tome.
How did we get on to the subject of length of wees?

Love Granny

Love Granny

Troy said...

It's 9.12am Wednesday morning - just wondering if you've finished yet?

Maggie May said...

Yep! I think a padlock would be in order.
Sounds a bit like me first thing! LOL!

Catharine Withenay said...

And all that before the cup of tea?

Precious moments indeed.

Valerie said...

Laughed a lot at this until I got to wondering how the story would come over when told to schoolmates lol. Everything I did was repeated at school.

Debs said...

You gotta love 'em!

Pam said...

Hah ah ah ah!! Loved it.
At least you weren't in a public toilet at the time

Maternal Tales said...

Fantastic!!! Love 'em. Wouldn't happen to me though - my pelvic floor has been so damaged by giving birth that I need to get up at least three times a night for a wee that by the time morning comes, there's not much left :-((

Ladybird World Mother said...

Elixabeth - adult children sounds marvellous. Have one... just three to go!!
Alix - does one cat count? Plus the three children? No? Dammit.
Granny - Oh, I just love how this post has got people going, as it were! You and GG both have had me giggling too much for my pelvic floor. x
Troy - you kidding? Its 8.45 pm and I'm still going...
MM - padlock, here I come!
CW - thank god its before the tea. Imagine the length of wee after... :)
Valerie - oh My God. Hadnt thought of that. School has a lot to answer for!
Debs - Why? Exactly? !!!!
Pam - nothing worse than a really long wee in public. I tend to go on and on anywhere really. :)
MT !!!!! Oh dear. Tea everywhere... please warn me when you are going to say something that funny again. :)_

Sara said...

Now my kids are older I have dogs that watch me on the loo! Fortunately they can't comment. By the way, I'm seriously impressed that your bladder's strong enough to hold on to a long wee after 4 chidren ;-)

Diane said...

I laughed so hard at that, I almost weed (wee'd?).

You're brave still to let them in. Once mine hit about 5 or so, the door got locked (I have a shy bladder) ;)

joolzmac said...

Too funny!

Cheers - Joolz

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! At least yours haven't nicknamed you Big Boobs!

martine frampton said...

You were pretty hysterical at 3.23 in the afternoon too:-)))) thanks for sharing.
Brought back fond memories of the many many years of never getting to go to the loo by yourself. thankfully all teenagers now so they get pissed off with me if I leave the bathroom door unlocked.
much love Martine

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!!!

I always love new visitors!

This post is so true and too funny!!


Welcome, I'm Robynn! said...

Oh I MISSED you!!! I'm so tardy everywhere and am just now making rounds. You gave me the HEALTHY laughs I needed today! Why is (was for me) there never a private bathroom moment when they're little? I used to have to lock the door when I couldn't stand it anymore and my son would stick his lips at the crack of bottom of the door and carry on from there.

And then there was the occasional comment in PUBLIC bathrooms about how long someone ELSE was weeing. Always nice to let them know you're listening. lol!

Kitty said...

Well I think long wees are an achievement. Perhaps they should look to their laurels? How long can they wee?!

(Perhaps less to drink just before bed?)


Life is good! said...

i'm not sure you can keep your dignity when the family finds your weeing such a source of entertainment! maybe you will have to set your alarm to go off so you can have your wee before the little sunshines awake!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Whoa! Didn't know my 30 Day Throw Down blog profile would change me at Robynn's Ravings. Had to fix THAT. RIGHT NOW! I mean, heLLO. I'm Robynn's Ravings not "Welcome!" I sound like a demented airline attendant!

Paula said...

Oh my gosh, I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. I found your blog via Robynn's Ravings (love, love, love her!). Oh man, why is it that the little tykes like to congregate in the bathroom with mom? I remember thinking to myself, is there some signal that goes off when I head to the bathroom that prompts the children to follow? Closed doors had no meaning. Ah, mine are now past that stage, but boy oh boy I remember it well. Privacy ... it disappears at childbirth! :-) Great post!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Oh for a bit of peace and quiet for a peaceful wee.

You did make me laugh. Still wiping my eyes.

Mwa said...

That's too funny.

My potty-training daughter comes up to me these days and asks me to open my legs so she can watch me wee. Also not good first thing.