Friday, 4 September 2009

The Iron (Bladder) Lady

Well. Have 'shared' my Iron Bladder Tendencies. It has released a flow, if I may be so bold, of Personal Stories about Bladders and Urinal Challenges around the Globe.
I have learned about people's Pelvic Floors, those who can read an 'entire tome' on the loo before the last drop is Squeezed Out. Another who wees One Drop at a Time.
Another who was wondering if I had 'Finished Yet', when he left his comment at 09.15.(Yes, I had, thank you very much for asking. Was building up for the Next One)
I had a Very Impressed Blogger who was amazed at the strength of my Bladder after four children. (Me too, friend, me too!)
In addition I have received sound advice about padlocks and the need for Privacy and Dignity. I have learned that my Bladder is strong and that incontinency is far away.
I am a little Clearer about the boundaries needed between me and my children when taking my morning Ablutions. I have had some Helpful Hints about wee'ing earlier in the morning, and avoiding Audiences.
In short, I am now Fully Informed. Terrific!
Must share lots more Details of an Intimate Nature. Might learn More!
Could Gain More Insight in one day than have done in Entire Life.
Thrilling!
Right.
What shall I blog about next? Don't have anything much to tell about my Rectum. Long Poos have never really been my thing. Unless you count the one on the boat in the Outer Hebrides. You want to hear about that one? Not on your Nelly. That Poo will remain where it's supposed to be. Long Gone. (We were all stunned by its length. How had it created itself? And where did it hide? Why did I 'share' this with family members? No idea.)

Extraordinary thing is that you bloggers just love Lavatorial Humour. I write a Deeply Sweet and Personal Post on the holidays beginning and get a Paltry and quite frankly Feeble twelve comments. I write about wee wees and get thirty five. Hmmmmm.
Not that I am Counting Comments. We all know that I Never Do That.
Do I Stick with Lavatories and say Pfffff to Sweet and Poignant?
Or leave the Toilet Humour behind and keep to Winsome and Off-handed?
Decisions, decisions.

I'll keep you Posted.
Literally.

22 comments:

Maternal Tales said...

Oh more toilet humour please. There's nothing like a good poo story (one over at mine if you're interested) - and it may even be longer than your one from the Outer Hebrides. x

DJan said...

Your children seem to be easily amused, which can't help but be a blessing. Your stories are always funny and well told, so I did get to assess the state of my bladder health when I read previous post, but alas I can't hold (!) a candle to you!

Mud in the City said...

It is always funny the posts that get the most comments. Maybe it is about what one has in common with the blogger - I suppose we can all relate to wee!

Nicola said...

Can't believe that you don't have a photo of stupendous poo to treasure for always, just like maternal tales. Very disappointed.

And 35 comments...very impressive. At least I know how to up the ante on the comment front now. Good to know.

Janna Qualman said...

*giggles and guffaws*

You are a hoot! Thanks for sharing such a true topic with grace and wit. :)

Alix said...

I've had similar startling revelations about bathroom humor on my own blog. Which poses quite an interesting question indeed. To be true to your poetic side, or whore yourself out for comments.

Being a whore myself, I say, stick with the crude.

{wink}

Love your blog!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

You know, I noticed the same thing (more comments than usual) with my post about sex last week...interesting what gets peoples' attention, isn't it?

As for reading about the length of your poo...hmmm, I think there is such a thing as too much information. Now I have this image in my brain that just Won't Go Away. I might have to start drinking again.

Leilani Lee said...

Having a kid in the bathroom during peeing can be helpful for the kid -- I found it really moved things along to bring my "toddler" into he john with me when I was toilet training him, and I had my husband do the same thing, so he could get the idea of how much fun it was to pee in the toilet (I think it was more helpful watching my husband than listening to me pee).

Troy said...

I once saw some graffiti in a men's toilet cubicle. It read
"I've just produced a 12 inch turd, is this a record?". Underneath someone had written
"If it is you can't play it on my record player".
I thought you and your readers might appreciate this!

Pam said...

I have a friend who told me that after a long and strenous labor, she lost all control of her nether regions. Once, she bent down to pick up some rubbish and a little poo popped out. It still makes me laugh thiking about it. We Brits like toilet humor.

cheshire wife said...

If only you had known how easily amused your children would be at the beginning of the summer holiday, I am sure that the last few weeks could have been a lot easier for you.

Helen P said...

I was laughing so much by end of your post I could barely read the comments and then found they were just as amusing...good job I've got excellent bladder control.

Vicus Scurra said...

Just some nice organic vegan recipes please. Some of us are not accustomed to filth.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Have you been reading Maternal Tales blog too much?

As for lav humour. Well, we are all 12 year old boys at heart. It IS funny. Really. It is. To me anyway (and with 2 sons, it would have to be!)

Paula said...

Oh gosh, here I go again laughing so hard that I've got tears streaming. Those two words ... "long" and "poo" used together ... oh good lord. Creates quite a mental visual! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Tatersmama said...

I don't care what you talk about... I will always, ALWAYS read it.
Girl, you're such a hoot, and I love you to bits! ;-)

I would suggest though, that you occasionally post a warning label for those of us who DO have ermmm.. continence issues.
I, and my fabric covered computer chair, will thank you!



Omigosh,my word veri is:
poossan !
NO JOKE!!!

I'm off to read about the poossan sex, that the other commenters mentioned!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh, what lovely comments from everyone. Thanks hugely, one and all. Apologies to Jeff for the Visual. Hope its gone away now. And thanks to Troy for the Stupendous Joke. Much appreciated. Middle Son didnt get it. is there a metric equivalent, do you think?
Love you too, Tatersmama... and just love the word veri you got. Sometimes they are just SO APT!!
Oh, and Maternal Tales... think we have a rival pic for you. Sadly it got flushed away.
Oh, dammit, may as well do all comments now to everyone as am in my stride now, as it were.
Djan - Hope you bladder health is just tickertyboo... should be if you can blog... am always guffawing and need Strong Bladder.
Mud - We sure can... and poo?!
Nicola - huge apologies for no photo... not the opportunity as sailing across the Minch at the time. Will do next time, promise!
JQ - glad you had a giggle! xx
Ailx - think I am becoming a bit of a whore. Dammit. (just for comments though, so thats ok... isnt it? ;) )
LL - moves it all along a pace I found! all mine were fascinated by adult weeing. Still are, dammit.
Pam - oh, that poor poor friend!! That really is the pits, I would say. My nether regions are thankfully still in Good Working Order. Phew.
CW - if only!! Would have saved vast amounts of dosh. Oh, well, you know what we will be doing over the Christmas holidays!
Helen - very glad indeed to hear you have such good bladder control. Now you can carry on blogging without worry. ;) x
VS - Right you are. Lentil pea soup with organic rhubarb jus, coming up, just for you. I'm told its marvellous for the Bowels. XX
Brit in B - read the most stupendous post from Maternal tales about very long poo... thrilled to have found a sisterhood in poo. I think. ;)
Paula - I know, it does a bit. Sorry about that visual... its really rather nasty when I get to think about it. So I wont!!

Troy said...

Don't let Middle Son worry, joke was written a long time ago in a University toilet [hence ancient language "record player"]. He can't expect to be getting undergraduate humour at his age now can he?
I trust you are teaching your son good old fashioned imperial units even if his school only teach that Napoleonic nonsense.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

What a joy to get back from holiday and find one of your stories waiting LWM. We do seem to love toilet humour and it starts at such an early age! Having just spent a week with a 5 year old I could have quite a few lavatorial stories of my own - but you do it so well! Trouble now at my age is that if I laugh too much my bladder is uncontrollable! A x

Ladybird World Mother said...

Troy - imperial units all the way here... and what do you mean, ancient language?? dont they still sell record players and wirelesses? Am only just catching up with videos, and they go and make those DVD things. Grrr.
Anne- Lovely to see you back again.. hope you had fun... and glad that you had a giggle with this post and that bladder coped well. Must check for new post about your holiday...xx

Robynn's Ravings said...

Well, that's a crappy attitude you have about your level of commenting! :) I always wonder at the difference between 4 comments and 54 comments. One never knows what will ring a bell but the kids and I just got done having the great retelling of both their potty training periods. Do you think they'd mind if I posted them?

And you probably don't need to know this but I am of the strong bladder variety myself - thankfully. It is the door prize for having had two C-sections. Nothing was traumatized - well, the stomach muscles might disagree.

Keep posting and we'll keep laughing!!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Potty training stories??!! Go down a stormer, I reckon. Oh, and glad to hear that your bladder is in good nick... did you say 2 C sections??!! good on you, girl. xxxx