You haven't been subjected to a Poo Story for quite some time. Not since this.
Here is another one. Need to get it out of system, as it were.
Was wandering about. You know. Holidays.
Tend to wander from room to room thinking about what I should do and not really getting on with anything much.
Had drifted from Daughter's room (neat) to Middle Son's room (not neat) when was Struck by Smell.
Yup. We've been here before, haven't we?
Went, gingerly, to Upstairs Loo. Lid Down. But Very Ominous Smell.
Lifted the seat.
Could not Believe the Carnage.
WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS LOO? I roared.
Sorry! came a little cry.
That tiny word said it all.
A child had, god bless him, tried to Unblock the Loo on his Own.
So... marigolds, buckets and Toilet Duck armed, rolled up my sleeves and got on with the cleaning.
Good job done and all. Left the now Twinkling Bathroom Facility and wandered along to the other loo upstairs. Whistling a Cheery Little Tune (choon, as they say on Myspace) lifted up lid.
This time ROARED.
Heard, again, very small voice.
Could NOT BELIEVE that one child could, with One Bottom, have created such Appalling Mess of such Disastrous Proportions in such a Short Time.
Found him, downstairs.
Come here, I instructed, in Stern Tones. He looked a little bit worried.
Next time you need the loo, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CLEAN IT WITH LOO BRUSH. Yes?
OK, he said. Was only Trying To Help.
I know, I said. But Just Don't.
Are you ill? I asked him, concerned.
Oh,no! he said. Just do Big Poos.
Right, I said. Somewhat Surprised by Frankness.
Went into Downstairs Loo. Peered anxiously into Pan.
Slap Me Vitals.
Was Not Amused. It Was Not Funny At All.
Child came out of kitchen.
'Oh, he said. That wasn't me, it was Dad.'
And wandered off.
Mutter. Mutter. Marigolds. Toilet Duck. Bucket. Loo Brush. Mutter.