'Mummy, Mummy, Mummy,' started Youngest, yesterday after tea. Was still struggling with the clearing away of mountains of plates and cutlery, forcing the buggers into the Dishwasher, as I like to fill each and every Available Crevice with plates and cups and saucepans and lids and big spoons that won't fit into that absurd Cutlery thing that's supposed to fit all the Cutlery. But never does.
'WHAT?' said I, somewhat Exasperated, as can't seem to finish a Thought in my Head at the moment, let alone a Simple Task about the Home. 'Can't you see I am already busy? Trying AS USUAL to do too many things at the same time??'
You can see what a marvellous mother I am.
I can see Youngest thinking.
'I can do two things at once,' he announced.
Was a little Doubtful. He is after all Male and six years old.
'Yup,' he said. Confidence oozing out of every pore.
'Tell me what two things you can do at once,' I muttered, from the bowels of the Dish Washer, forcing that last fecking glass in.
Youngest almost Preened with Pride.
'I can make a Poo AND a Wee come out at the same time.'
Could see my giggling mirror image in the dirty reflection of saucepan lid, winking up at me, as I am crouched over my machine like a paratrooper over land.
Heaving myself out, Youngest asked when I would be ready to play with him.
'In a minute!!' I said, in that time honoured way, crashing dishwasher shut and hearing the familiar whirrings and splashings to indicate that the cycle had begun.
'Oh.' he said.
Eeyore-like with Gloom.
There was a Very Long Silence.
And then he said,
'I'll just stand here then and Stare at the Floor.'
Oh, for God's sake. Talk about Martyr. Clearly action was needed and Fast.
'Nearly done! I boomed, in Cheerful Mother mode, when she knows that Playing with Children is Inevitable and there is NO MORE procrastination available.
In desperation I tidied the Fairy Liquid.
I could see Youngest in his droopy pose in the reflection in the window.
Staring at the floor.
I pulled myself together.
And took my Youngest into the warmth of the sitting room where we played Racing Demon for half an hour before bath time.
Which is crap with just two people, but Youngest doesn't mind.
It beats staring at the floor.