Tuesday, 29 March 2011

By the Skin of his Teeth

Youngest is awfully good at saying he had Done His Teeth.
And not doing them.
Every morning I ask him, EVERY MORNING,
'Have you done your teeth?' as he comes down the stairs to have his collar straightened. It gets stuck under his school jumper. This also happens every morning.
'Yes,' he beams. Every morning.
'Show me,' I say. Every morning.
And Every Blasted Morning he does a Half Bare'ing sort of smile. Showing bits of teeth, but not the full package.
And EVERY CHUFFING MORNING I tell him
'No, you haven't, go and do them again.'
And EVERY CHUFFING MORNING he sulks, and goes up the stairs to do them. Again.
Although he hasn't done them AT ALL.
You would think after almost 7 years of Teeth Cleaning, of which the last 700 mornings he has done it on his own, with me peering into his mouth to check out the missed bits, that he would have Copped On.
Nope.
Oh, well, at least I don't have to check his bottom these days. You know, the 'Have you wiped your bottom?' scenario, when they say they have and you know, you just KNOW that it hasn't been That Successful.
And you check.
And you thank the Heavenly Stars above that you did.
Because it is Carnage.
So checking a mouthful of teeth isn't so bad really. It's at the right end of a person. Can't really go wrong.
Teeth? Or 'Wiped' Bottom?
Absolutely No Contest. Teeth every time. I avoid bottoms at all costs these days. Apart from my own.
Reluctantly.

14 comments:

Milla said...

amateur!!!
12 and a half year old still lying for England. And neglecting his toothbrush. Oppression, apparently. Grubby little beast.

Mud in the City said...

Bottoms don't feature significantly in my life. For which I am profoundly grafeful.

Tattie Weasle said...

Are you sure we are not mothering the same child? Although I have to say I am still doing bottoms...of youngest (5) he's just too lazy to do it at home....!!!!

Expat mum said...

I keep the 7 year old's toothbrush in the downstairs loo so that I can watch him brushing his teeth (while doing other things too of course). He has these huge frilly grown-up teeth that are coming in at all angles and by god do they take some cleaning.

Kathy G said...

Some people are just slow learners, aren't they :-)

Liz said...

Do you know anybody with false teeth you could frighten him with?

I can remember being horrified by my grandparents' false teeth as a child. Definite motivation for cleaning mine properly!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"Because it is Carnage."

Hahahahahahahha! I hate to say it, but getting that teeth brushing thing down will probably not happen as fast as getting that bottom wiped all the way. Perhaps when he gets a girl.

And how much smarter you are to just have a look. I used to make the mistake of having them breathe on me.

Troy said...

thyurt yuoer prwer uior bgtr aqws juyh!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Milla - Oh, no. You mean I have another 5 years of this?? xx
Mud - lucky you, girl. Bottoms are rank. x
Tattie - Same child, same story, just a different house!x
EM - now that is a good idea... downstairs loo, here we come. x
Kathy G -SLOW?! PAINFULLY slow! x
Liz - apart from some joke teeth which are rather scary, dont know anyone with falsies!! Will peer into everyone mouths to check though. x
MJ - until there is a girl?? I have to wait THAT LONG? Yeurrcch. x
Troy - now look here. Have sat in front of the computer trying to 'read' what you wrote and my children now think I am totally barking. Which I am of course, but they dont need to know that. WHAT DID YOU WRITE??!! x

Troy said...

It was a cunning plot to make you actually respond to a comment - AND IT WORKED!!!

Karen said...

Sadly, I'm still having this conversation with my son and he's 19. Have resorted to telling him no girl will ever want to kiss him, as a last resort.

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha.ha! Nice to know things aren't any different across the pond:)

Anita said...

So many similarities we share in being mothers. My ten year old daughter constantly "forgets" to brush her teeth. Where does all that build-up on her teeth come from?!

I think your little guy may be expressing love to his mommy too; having to open his mouth with a big semi-smile every morning. :)

Pam said...

With my four year old I have to check teeth, bottom and hands (did you wash them?). Oh and most often than not I have to flush the loo too! I have to say, sometimes the things I find in the loo make me exclaim "blimey! how did a 4-year old produce THAT!"