Saturday, 23 January 2010

When Mum turned into a Monster


Crikey, I am grumpy today. My children are the receptacles of my crossness, which makes me feel even worse.
We went shopping this morning, all of us, and every step was an ordeal.
'KEEP UP!' I would enunciate, in truculent tones, to each child that lagged behind.
And, 'Stop tripping me up!'
'For God's Sake, stop PUSHING!' was my Mantra.
And what made it worse was that the children sort of Put Up with me. You could see the resignation on their faces.
Mum's in One of her Moods, they seemed to Radar to each other. Which was Really Annoying.
However much I tried to be grown up and mature and Noble, I couldn't.
Husband was also on the Moody Wife Look Out.
'OK, darling?' he would offer, from time to time. A kind and sympathetic smile on his face. That I wanted to Punch. Hard.
I noticed another mother during one particularly stressful moment in large shop.
'Warren, IF YOU DON'T BELT UP YOU WON'T GET NO SWEETS EVER,' she shrilled.
'Golly,' I thought. 'Bit harsh on the little lad.' Turning a blind eye to my Curt Comments of five minutes previously, when had Hissed Hissily to children that 'if you don't be quiet I shall SHOUT SO LOUD YOUR EARS WILL FALL OFF.'
Double standards, I think.
So now we are home. I am blogging, having had a nice walk, alone, to gather my thoughts and reflect on what an Utter Cow I can be. Was perfectly nice during walk. Felt more and more generous and forgiving each step I took. But then there was no one with me to share the benefit. This is my problem, I have decided. I am frightfully nice when on my own. And stroppy cow when in company. Bit of a conundrum.
So.
Am determined to be Nice Mother.
Will go into sitting room, where there is a lovely fire and Be With My Family.
I won't shout at anyone.
I won't be cross when someone jumps on my back and I can hear the bones breaking.
I won't be irritated that cushions, recently cleaned, are all over the floor.
I won't be annoyed that only me stokes up the fire.
I won't be cross that Husband keeps asking if I am Still Cross.
I will be Sweetness and Light. Hope and Joy. Kindness and comfort.
Until the next time.
Oh, to be the Perfect Mother.
I wish.
Right. Off I go.
Wish me luck.
This mothering lark is tough on a girl, you know.

26 comments:

CambridgeLady said...

That made me laugh :o) Don't we all have days like that. If you ever meet a perfect mother she's probably on gin and Prozac.

trasha said...

Oh the restorative power of a solo walk. Fingers crossed you make it through the evening unscathed.

Vicus Scurra said...

I went for a walk today. I was fine when I left, but then I saw some twats in green jackets shooting birds, and spent some time considering how far away from my position of 'love and peace' it was to wish that they should be raped by syphilitic emus and have their eyes pecked out. Just in the interests of balance.
Perhaps, had I met you on my walk, we would have found some sort of balance.

Heather said...

oh yes, i can relate to this.

fraizerbaz said...

Today, I was a monster myself. I even cursed in front of my daughter, which I rarely do.

I feel like such a jerk when I loose my cool! (Of course, I took her shopping afterward, in hopes of redeeming my bad behavior.)

Troy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Troy said...

Perhaps Mother's Tense?
(well I think that is what it stands for).
[actually wrote it to make sense this second time of posting]

Diane said...

At least when you yell, your grammar is good ;) Small favors, right? xo

Nancy said...

Very tough, indeed. Absolutely nothing harder than being a stay at home mom. Nothing.

Pat yourself on the back for realizing you're grumpy and willing to acknowledge it. They will love you anyway for all of the wonderful things you do everyday for them. It just might take until they are doing it for their own children - but the kudos will come.

Pam said...

At 2am this morning 3-yr old had an ear infection and was screaming bloody murder, baby started up too just for fun, then I banged my toe on the bathroom door. My husband, lying in bed, heard the most horrific barrage of swearwords and threats he could ever imagine fro me.
We're human aren't we? God forbid we become the mum that has no emotion. XXX

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

This made me laugh LWM. I still have days like it and I have no children about me now, just a husband and an elderly mother. There are days when they keep asking if I am alright - husband because he can sense "a mood" and mother because she's forgotten that she has already asked 14 times. Do what I do, grit your teeth and keep smiling. Ax

geraldgee said...

Just your liver having a bad day LWM? xxx

Laura said...

oh, I have just laughed and laughed and laughed. And laughed.
You do make me feel better about my own Moody Cow days.
The bemused/bewildered/mildly hurt resigned acceptance of the rest of the family also makes me wants to stab myself with teaspoons.
But I console myself with the fact that it's all balance, and those just-don't-talk-to-me days simply make me seem even more amazingly lovely on the good ones.

Laura

Elaine said...

oh this made me laugh in horrified recognition.

I've just remarked to my husband that I never want to smack my children as much as I do when I am running a Sunday School with them in it. Resorted to Vulcan Death Grip instead. (The first time I typed that it came out as Vulvan Death Grip, which is something QUITE different.)

Ladybird World Mother said...

CL - we sure do! Now gin and prozac sound lovely....
Trasha- got through it just fine... thanks for the crossed fingers!
VS - wish I had met you... then you wouldnt have had nasty time with silly people with guns, and I would have had some company! Wow, syphilitic emus. Mmmm.
Heather - glad to hear it!
fraizerbaz - so annoying, isnt it, to lose one's cool. Hope you had fun shopping...
Troy - wondered who was deleting comments!! OK, hand on heart... what ARE you talking about!!! Oh, mother's ease, but tense, if you see what I mean???? x
Diane - absolutely. I text with good grammar, and email, and of course, shout at my children with no errors to speak of. As you say, small favours!!
Nancy - now that was a lovely comment, thank you so much! You are right, it is enormously hard to be at home all the time... although I do go twice a week to teach in my little school... but am there for all the hours that my children are. Thanks again... made me feel warm and squidgy!
Pam - oh I do feel for you and your big toe... no wonder you said all those rude things... I would have done too...xx
Anne - my teeth are gritted ready, and my smile is ready too!! glad you have to do it too... thanks for lovely comment. xx
gg - liver, heart, mind, legs, teeth, hair. Otherwise am in cracking form!! xx
Laura - stab yourself with tea spoons!! Oh, that did make me giggle. So glad you get it too. x
Elaine - I know the vulcan death grip well... my name IS Vulcan Death Trip... aren't they useful in polite company!!

Troy said...

Not sure if you did get what I meant by my comment. Mrs Troy didn't understand it when she read it.
Read it just at the initial letters in capitals and then the question mark. [Perhaps Mother's Tense?]

wonderwoman said...

its nice to have a bit of time and space - does us all good! If there is a perfect mother i've yet to meet her!!!

xxx

Corey Schwartz said...

Oh, gosh. When Mum Turned into a Monster. Is that a real book? And why didn't *I* think of that first?

Robynn's Ravings said...

I'm the most patient and perfect mother when my children aren't around. Wish they could see it!

Mwa said...

It IS tough, indeed.

Expat mum said...

You'll see at my blog I've actually cracked it. (ha)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Troy - you would have chuckled to see just how puzzled I was over your comment... I have read it over and over and tried out the initial letters, etc and JUST CANT MAKE IT OUT!!! Oh, please put me out of my misery and explain it but in words of Just One Syllable. xxxx
ww - Wish I could meet her just to see... actually, no. would be most depressing...xxx :)
CS - its a real book and the best one in the world to read out loud to little ones. I love it!
Robynn - Oh, me too, me too!! Also a WONDERFUL wife when husband not around. xx
Mwa - sure bloomin is... glad you think so too!
EM - I have visited your blog and you sure have cracked you, you devil!! xx

Mud in the City said...

Easily done. By the end of my 20 min bus ride yesterday I decided I detested and despised the couple sitting behind me and could think of no reason why they should take up space on earth.

Which is a little harsh really as they just had an annoying way of speaking.

imbeingheldhostage said...

wow, you are mirroring my week. I'm sorry though, only a saint can still be sweet when children are using her back as a trampoline.

If you decide to walk this way, I'd be happy to join you on that quiet walk.

Laura said...

Troy, you're not alone... I got the 'PMT' comment straight away... ;)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Mud - yes, but I hope you shot them. x
imbeingheldhostage - that will be lovely! Meet you by the big tree. x
Laura - OH, I GET IT AT LAST! Crikey, I am damned thick. x