I know it's winter and all. And I know it gets cold. And I know that sometimes it snows. Which means I had better wrap up warm and stay inside until the weather gets a Tad more Friendly Like.
I know not to go out in my car while it is Icy as my car might skid and I might go into a ditch. Which would not be nice at all.
And so I stay here with my children and we wrap up warm and go outside to make snowmen and then come back in to drink hot chocolate and watch DVDs. And don't venture out in the car as the roads are ridiculously dangerous.
Kind of obvious, really.
Not Obvious at all, it seems.
The BBC News Team have told us ALL DAY that it is Very Cold Indeed.
They have kindly informed us that it is Snowing. Heavily.
They have also instructed us to stay at home and not risk going out in the car.
They urged us in wise tones to wrap up warm.
I KNOW! I WAS DOING THAT ANYWAY! WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME FOR!
And then they tell us again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
Any other news?
Oh, Gordon Brown and something or other with Geoff Hoon, but couldn't hear about it for all the talk about Snow. And staying in. Extreme weather conditions. Freezing. Ice. Brrrr.
Every channel on the telly is full of Wintry Pictures.
Cars covered in white.
Stranded on the M20.
DANGER! DANGER! ALERT!
Forgive me for being a Tad Obvious here.
But it's Winter Time. It Snows and gets Awfully Cold and Icy.
Why on earth are people going out in this? Apart from those who Absolutely Have To, WHY DO PEOPLE DO IT??
We were told so clearly Not To Go Out by those kind BBC people.
And what do people do?
'Well, I've been in my car for 12 hours.' said one woman. 'Stuck here on the A3, it's been a long night.'
What a Wally.
Just stay at home, you Daft Dylans! Then those poor emergency people can do some real work, rather than heaving endless cars out of icy ditches.
And we can all watch the news channels.
Except there wouldn't be any news as everyone would be at home.
At least we would get to hear a bit more about Geoff Hoon. That is, if we wanted to. Which we don't.
Happy Winter, everyone!
Oh, and keep warm. It's terribly cold, you know, and there is lots of snow about.
Oh, you knew already? Clever old you!