It is Simply Not Fair.
Husband goes around with hairy armpits.
Hairy legs. Arms. Chest. Face.
(I am Exaggerating just a Tad here. But, worryingly, only a Little.)
Have Tennis lessons every Wednesday now. Lovely!
Have tennis skirt. This means.... summer legs Even in the Winter. Ker-ist.
So, what to do?
I can rip them out, shave 'em off, or use laser beams. However, therein lies the Problem. The darned old stuff Grows Back. Again.
Isn't this telling me something?
Like... it's supposed to be there?
Let's see, I have been shaving these legs of mine for over 30 years. Apart from that time in 1993 when I didn't have a boyfriend for two blissful years.
Hurray! I thought. No waxing! No shaving! I can sprout like an Afghan Hound. Weave plaits. As it were.
Heaven! Spent two whole winters with legs like Highland Cow. Marvellous, it was. Even had Hairy Toes.
Then, got Boyfriend.
Removed Each and Every Single Follicle from body. A Painful Purge.
Maintained Strict Epilation each week/day/month according to Hair Growth Speed.
Trimmed and plucked and tweezed and shaved and ripped.
For Pity's Sake.
Six months later was Dumped by Boyfriend.
Apparently he felt that it Wasn't Going Anywhere.
Within three days was like New Forest Growth. Everywhere.
Stubble Galore. Would have had Beard if could.
Then got another boyfriend.
Excessive Hair Growth Followed.
A Definite Pattern here, methinks.
Am now Married with Husband who really doesn't care less about hairy legs or armpits. Seems to notice when hair is Removed. But no complaints about not being able to find me through the Forestry that surrounds the more Intimate Places.
Well, he knows the way by now, doesn't he? No need for sign posts yet.
I think I have a Plan.
To wear Even More Clothes.
Huge, voluminous, fleecy, tracky bottoms.
Will Steer Clear of tights. Unless legs are Hair Free, the long bits come through, don't they, girls? Maddening. Not Attractive, when sitting with legs neatly together and Hairy Growths are seen Lurking under the Beige Tan of your Panty Hose Hold Ups.
Will simply wear socks up to the Armpits.
Until next Spring.
When the Neanderthal Man Things that are my legs will once more be Epilated.
So Marvellous to get these things sorted.