Monday, 31 May 2010

Summer Lovin'

Summer is here!
Heaven.
We've had breakfast and lunch outside. Twice.
The lawn mower is mended and has done wonderful work with the first Cut of the season. And the second. And the third. Bloody grass.
Oh, and the rabbit is shagging the chickens.
All is fine with our world.
Back to the rabbit? Really?
Well, put quite simply, the rabbit thinks it's a chicken. And shags them. OK?
Or else, puts its fluffy little face right into the chicken's bottom and sniffs. Honestly. It's enough to put you off your cornflakes.
Should explain that rabbit lives with chickens in great harmony. Except for the bottom sniffing.
Rosie, the chicken, is rather Bored with the whole rigmarole, and tends to trot off sideways, rather like a dressage horse. Snatching at the odd insect on the ground. Pretending that a rabbit is NOT sniffing her bottom.
The vet once said to me, regarding Millie, the rabbit, that if she ever displayed behaviour of a sexual nature, she might need to be Done. As in, Bits Off.
I decided, in that moment, not to mention the chicken shagging, as it seemed a little more sexual than he might have meant. Millie might have been carted off to a Bunny Farm and slammed into a Sexual Offenders Section.
Couldn't put her through that. So Millie stays As She Was Made and the chickens have to suffer the occasional Sniffing or Worse.
Daughter and Youngest get Uncontrollable Giggles when Millie gets frisky. And we all run towards the chicken run and shout a lot.
Poor old Millie. Perhaps I should get her bits off. But am damned if am going to vet to pay a fortune for a rabbit NOT to sniff a chicken's bottom. Or Worse.
So will continue to interrupt Millie in her courtships and encourage her to be a little more Ladylike.
In the meantime, am waiting for her next frisky moment to capture it for ever on film.
Watch this space.

29 comments:

Emma said...

Hehe.. That made me giggle!! :) x

Tatersmama said...

Oh YES! Capture it on film and share it with us!!! Omigosh... I can't believe I just said that out loud! I meant it from a purely errmmmm chicken protection point of view! lol!
Maybe rabbit needs a boyfriend instead of a removal of bits? I know which one "I" would prefer, but maybe that's just me, eh?
And with the sniffing? Vicks Vaporub or the like applied to the chickens butt areas should discourage rabbit from sticking her nose where "the sun don't shine"... But do if AFTER you get photos!! ;)

Niki said...

I just found you and you've made me laugh out loud several times!!! Wonderful writing and Nice to meet you.
Niki

Pamela said...

Are you sure Mille isn't a Milford? It's so strange to have a girl rabbit sniffing a chicken's bum. It sounds so much more like something a man would do (my husband excluded of course).

joolzmac said...

If Millie and the chicken get too frisky, you might end up with chabbits or worse, rabbens! Heavens!
Hi Tatersmama and Nikki!

Cheers - Joolz

Mud in the City said...

Yes, what would be the outcome of such a liaison? Bouncy chicken nuggets?

rachel said...

Nature has a way of fooiling vets and chaperones!

I had a little tabby cat once who, despite having his 'bits' seen to at the appropriate age, went on to display occasional improper interest in his adopted brother. The sideways trot was employed there too in order to evade the molestation....

rachel said...

Ooops, foiling, not fooiling. Am typing with a sticking plaster on my finger!

Vodka Mom said...

Let me know where they are registered so I can send a gift on their big day.


xx

Suburbia said...

My rabbit used to try and shag the cats! Needless to say, cats being just a little more intelligent than chickens, kept well away from her. they were pretty scared I think!

Can't wait for the x rated vid!

Troy said...

Am most confused re sex of Millie. All this talk of "bits off". Is Millie the shagger, the shaggie, or just a very confused rabbit? Have things changed since I had my biology lessons?

PatsyAnne said...

And the WORST part could be "if" you do get poor Millie fixed, what will you do if she doesn't stop sniffing bums? This could be her thing - her "hobby", hey some of us knit, some of us cook, some of us go hiking and some of "us" sniff bums (LOL)!

Hugs to you all!

Anita said...

Makes me "almost" want to live on a farm. :)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh, bless all your hearts. I am so touched that anyone would bother commenting on a post about chicken arse sniffing rabbits. Just to clear up a couple of issues... Millie is a girl. By 'bits' I am referring to her innards. Not outtards. That would make her a Shaggee, Troy, but in fact, due to her confusion, she is more of a Shagger...but only in the sniffing stakes.
Chabbens and rabbens, eh??! Perish the thought... although the bouncy chicken nuggets might appeal...!
And as SOON as there is footage (arsage) I will pass it on. Come on Millie... get sniffing.
Sorry to do one pathetic comment to all... life is MAD. But so nice to sit and drivel on to you kind bloggers, who understand the sanity of posting utter rubbish and enjoying comments on said Crap.
Lots of love. xxx

grumpyoldwoman said...

We have a bantam-shagging mallard (see my blog) so I do sympathise. we are hoping for chucks or dickens!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Maybe the bunny just REALLY likes eggs! Hey! Maybe it's the Cadberry Bunny! Do you have those candy eggs there at Easter time? If not, this bunny goes around laying eggs and clucking. You are probably ground zero!

Ladybird World Mother said...

grumpyoldwoman - LOVED the post, and have commented. Nice to see we can share such joyful moments in our blogs!!
Robynn - AHA!! Now we are getting to the bottom of it, as it were. EGGS is all she wants. Lol... did giggle rather at your comment... because she really DOES look like she wants an egg... roll on the pictures. Typically there has been no bottom sniffing since post. Grrrr.xx

justherdingcats said...

Love the blog. I have just discovered you by way of Belgravia wife. I have laughed a lot and been greatly cheered.

Will call by again soon. Happy Sunny Days x

俊達 said...

A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody...................................................

London City Mum said...

Tag for you dearest at mine http://londoncitymum.blogspot.com/2010/06/five-of-kind.html

Have fun!

LCM x

Ladybird World Mother said...

justherdingcats - oh, am so glad you like the blog... nice to feel that my mad ramblings actually cheer! x
LCM - have read the post and seen the tag and started the post!! Might take some time, as have absolutely NO IDEA what to write... xxxx

D415_evonN_Risinger0 said...

人要學習健忘,把所有不如意忘掉,才會快樂。 ....................................................

Humdrum Mum said...

Very funny!!! My old rabbit used to shag my guinea pig (they were both male). I used to be told the rabbit was trying to turn the g.pig over... until I got too old to believe that. In the end the g.pig died with a piece of lettuce in his mouth, rogered to death no doubt. -HMx

Reasons said...

Oh rabbits! Our friends have golden lab and rabbit with very questionable relationship. For questionable, read pornographic.

又陽 said...

看後受益良多,謝謝∪ˍ∪..................................................

Lou said...

Brilliant. I really needed a laugh today... thanks!

子名 said...

一個人最大的敵人常是自己。 ............................................................

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I confess to being a bit concerned...just what does the rabbit get up to after lights out? That poor chook might be subjected to bunny rape night after night. Bunny rape is a horrific crime which often goes unnoticed as people are loathe to believe that cute fluffy bunnies can be vicious predators. But remember General Woundwort in Watership Down? Clearly those lessons have not been learnt... ;-)

notwavingbutironing said...

Let me tell you, this kind of thing would never happen in Tunbridge Wells! Here, rabbits treat chickens with respect, and get to know their parents first before escorting them to a tea dance or to the moving pictures. I will send you a pair of my hand-knitted chainmail chicken pants to prevent a repeat of this unnatural practice!