Wednesday, 16 June 2010

What Could It Be?

Youngest woke me up this morning with a hiss.
And prodded me hard.
'What do you want?' I asked, somewhat reasonably, I felt.
Considering the Rude Awakening.
'There is Something In My Bed and it Isn't Good,' he whispered.
Oh, Kerist, I thought. What in hell's name could THAT be.
I racked my sleepy brain for possible answers.
'Wee?' I asked, wearily, rubbing an eye awake.
He shook his head.
I rattled off the various bodily waste that a 'Not Good Thing' might be.
'Poo? Snot? Skin? Sweat?'
'Nope,' he replied to each in turn, getting noticeably more worried as the list went on. And on.
And finally, 'Mummy, it REALLY is Not A Good Thing.'
Said with great urgency and some degree of panic.
I cranked myself up onto one elbow and looked at him blearily.
'Is it something Dead?' I asked with some resignation. That would be 'Not Good'.
Having exhausted the potential horrors of what it might be, I decided that the only thing was to look for myself.
We entered the dark of his room, and I swished back the curtains. Blinking in the light, and screwing up my short sighted eyes, we looked together at the bed.
A Great Big Pile of Red Gloop wobbled shinily on the whiteness of his sheet.
'What the Bloody Hell is that?' I asked, in an Unedited type of way.
'That is The Not Good Thing in my bed,' answered Youngest, with his Clear Six Year Old Sightedness.
I poked it.
Straight out of a new toy recently acquired on his birthday. A hideous toy with an eye that you can squeeze right out of Said Toy's head.
Without another word we stripped the bed together, slung the oozing toy into the bin, and walked down the stairs towards the Kettle (for my much needed first cup of tea) and the Washing Machine.
'Sorry, Mummy,' said Youngest, as we pushed the gloopy sheet into the machine and switched it on.
'Don't worry about it,' said I, breezily. 'At least it wasn't Poo.'
And with that bright thought shining in our minds, we had breakfast.

PS. I am very aware of a Tag. Lurking. That I haven't done. Tags frighten me as am Total Crap at them.
But there is one Afoot, as it were, and I will drag it to the light of day just as soon as I have a moment to catch breath...


Anonymous said...

In our house, the "Not Good Thing" in the bed is usually a huge spider or a mouse. Must have been a relief to find it was just red toy gloop.

grumpyoldwoman said...

Youngest son once found a naked girl in his bed after a party - as he didnt fancy her he coccooned himself in a sleeping bed and climbed in next to her. My reaction was similar to yours LWM.

TheMadHouse said...

We have had similar mornings, Maxi has a urine infection bed wet two nights on the trot and then again in mine last night - oh my

Pamela said...

Great stuff as usual. We've had a few accidents but no red gloop yet :-)

lakeviewer said...

A toy snot? Strange stuff. You handled it with aplomb

diney said...

Red gloop sounds hideous but better that than a spider which would be my luck!

Troy said...

Just spent a few minutes googling "gloop". Not a word I regularly use. One thing I found was "Ground Launched Optical Observation Platform" which sounds like an expensive toy for a six year old.

No wonder he broke it.

Lou said...

Red gloop in the beds, nasty lurking tags in the blogisphere, .... is nowhere safe?

I love the way babies say: 'Sorry Mummy,' even when it's out of their control.

trash said...

hate, hate, hate those nasty squeezy head, looming bulbous eye toy-thingies and now I know why!

Tatersmama said...

I threw out all my gloop infested toys for this very reason. Well, the actual reason was that I once stepped on a gloopy eyeball in the dark, and then tracked green snot-like stuff all over the carpet... since hopping on one foot for 20 feet was an impossibility.

Clippy Mat said...

thank goodness for that!
I think.
I am trying to conjure up a visual of the offending toy but am failing.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Lovely - just what you need to wake up to. I think you handled the situation perfectly LWM, as always. Glad my gloop days are over though. A x

Mother Hen said...

So glad it wasn't something Dead.

June said...

If the first inanimate thing I saw on any morning was a shiny mound of red gloop in a bed, I would leave the house immediately and not go back.
Mothers are made of stronger stuff than I.

Vodka Mom said...

oh good LORD. However, it's nice to know your darling boy is gifted enough to know "Not a good thing" when he sees it.

brilliant boy.

Mwa said...

I often think "at least it's not poo." Except with poo. Then I think "at least it's not vomit."

Anonymous said...


Ladybird World Mother said...

Jeff - spiders... not too bad, but mice... aaarrgggh. Prefer gloop any day.
GOW - Wow... naked girls... that would have been Really Bad, especially as he's 6. Phew for gloop.
Madhouse - ew. Gloop looking better by the minute.
Pamela- Glad to hear it... may it continue!
lakeviewer - aplomb, eh?! sounds rather gloop like, when you say it slowly.
diney - spiders in beds def. Not Good!
Troy - dammit, trust you to work out what it was... needless to say he wont be getting a new one. Honestly, kids. x
Lou - I know, what next in this frightening saga... and so agree with the I'm sorry sweet!
trash - they are horrid... so glad it is now in the bin...
tatersmama - ewww!! that does sound utterly gross... extremely glad that did not step in red gloop... ! x
clippymat - don't even go there, Clippy... toy so hideous gave me nightmares...
Anne - gloop days!! Mine are still here, with quite a way to go, I think. Oh dear. x
Mother H - you and me both!
June - very nearly did just that, but compelled by disgutingness of it to clear it up!!
VM - he is just that... totally brilliant... it's just that damned gloop I cant stand. xx
Mwa - !!!!! made me chuckle... and just so true!! x
Next commenter - so true!!

Emma said...

Red gloop does sound better then dealing with that brown poop! :)

Reasons said...


Anonymous said...


Lane said...

You were very brave to tackle the thing before your first cuppa. I'm impressed. And very relieved the 'gloop' wasn't bodily:-)

Glad to have washed up here and seen your lovely header:-)

Maxabella said...

I also had a gloop encounter recently. They are memorable.

I found your blog on Not Waving but Ironing...