I have been the most wonderful wife! Let me tell you all about it as it really doesn't happen that often.
It was about 8 o'clock the other night and I was preparing supper. Old fish with left over vegetables hurled in oven.
When Husband rang. Poor love sounded totally Knackered.
'Just leaving now,' he croaked, barely able to form a sentence in his tiredness.
'Back about 9.00.'
We exchanged very brief Pleasantries before I replaced the phone.
And back I walked into my kitchen, hearing the sounds of children fighting and bath water definitely being splashed with some force.
Thoughtfully I opened the oven.
Yeurrch. Disgusting. And no Husband to eat it for an hour. Steps needed to be made to assist the poor man in his tiredness.
And, quite suddenly, just like that, there was Me. The Perfect Wife!
Never before had I felt quite so purposeful! Powerful, even! Yippee!
Up I went to the carnage of the bathroom. I clapped my hands for silence. That didn't work, so I yelled hard instead. That worked a treat and within moments all was quiet.
Another few minutes on and all children were bathed, pyjamed (?) and ready for bed. Teeth gleaming white, hair brushed, Fifties style, and everyone calling out Goodnight! just like the bloody Waltons.
Wafted down to the kitchen, put on my apron (!) chucked out First Disgusting Supper to the chickens and Prepared the Alternative Supper, a simple but delicious concoction.
Lit a fire in the sitting room as it was so Effing cold.
Polished (!) our gorgeous antique table in the sitting room and tore outside to get some flowers to put on it. Plumped up cushions, checked for Cat Crap, as you do, and raced upstairs to brush my own hair.
Down I came, supper gently cooking, fire blazing, sitting room warm and cosy, and children in bed.
(go on, aren't you DAMNED impressed?)
In came Husband, bent in half with exhaustion.
Did I kiss him home?
Yes, I did.
Did I ask him how he was in gentle concerned tones?
Yes, I did.
Did I take his coat and ask him if he wanted a drink?
Yes, I did.
Did his eyes light up when he saw the fire?
Yes, they did.
Did he turn to me and give me a grateful hug and tell me what a star I was?
Yes, he did.
AM I NOT THE MOST AMAZING WIFE?
Shame about the next evening. Shit supper, shouty children and bugger all patience.
But, Oh! It was damned good while it lasted.