Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Flossing 'eck.

I bloody hate visiting my Dental Hygienist.
This is because am not Particularly Partial to having painful exploration of mouth, and hearing Tutt Tutt'ing as rubbery fingers make their squeaky way round my molars, forcing my mouth open in position that is, quite frankly, wide enough to fit a small automobile in.
My teeth are, after all, My Teeth.
I think my Hygienist thinks they are Hers.
She almost weeps as she stabs at them with what appears to be an Extremely Sharp Utensil.
'Well, have you Flossed?'
Have I 'eck.
Since my last visit to her six months ago I flossed like Mad Woman for six weeks. Urged my husband to Floss. Friends to Floss. Strangers to Floss.
I was Floss Queen. Smug too. Looking in mouths for signs of Flossing.
'Ah.' I'd think. 'That Person Does Not Floss. Look at those Yellow Bits.'
Well. Time passed. And the flossing phase was over. Each night I'd look at that damned little plastic floss container and feel Floss Guilty. To make up for it I'd swill a bit of Mouth Wash round the old tombstones. Grin maniacally in the mirror. Grimace to show the teeth at the back.
And not Floss.
But now its time to see the Hygienist Again.
Feel like rather Cross and Grumpy Adolescent.
Have dusted the floss container and flossed last night. Sulkily.
And again this morning.
HATE going to my Hygienist.
I go next week.
Bet she Sighs Heavily and asks,
Well, have you Flossed?
Have I 'eck.

17 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

Nice new picture, I am envious of the way you abandon yourself to drunkenness, while the lady behind you is being consumed by a giant snail. Such dedication to ebriosity is a glittering example to us all.

London City Mum said...

Love this.
As always you are a woman after my own teeth, err, heart.

LCM x

Kathy G said...

I had trouble remembering to floss until I put the container in with my makeup. Now in the morning it's brush, floss, mascara

Sir Bruin said...

I'm with you on this one. I don't mind the pain so much, it's that industrial floor polisher that they use to finish up with. If they catch the roof of my mouth, I usually leave the chair vertically. I like the new pic, by the way. like yourself, I am also a glass half full person. Irritating, aren't we?

Nicola said...

hahaha! I hardly ever floss either! Tho I would never admit that to anyone typically...especially the hygienist

Another Day of Crazy said...

Cheers! Love the new pic, and laughed as Scurra's snail comment.

Hate the hygienist too. Must always make up excuses (too much red herbal tea, of course!) as to explain my wine, erm TEA discoloured teeth.

Suburbia said...

I love flossing! Is that odd?!

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

My hygienist is a sadist , too . Actually they probably don't let you sign up for the course if you've ever shown any vestige of kindness to anything at all .
But she has , over the years terrified me into scrubbing between my teeth ( yes , the gaps ARE that wide ) with tiny bottle-brush thingies every day ..... so , at least I've still got teeth!

Mud said...

Love the new pic!

Debs Carr said...

I love the picture, it's wonderful.

I hate visiting the hygenist too. Good luck.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Ha! I hate going to the dentist as well. While they're picking away at my teeth, it reminds me of someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard.

Best of luck. Only good thing, you won't have to go back for another six months.

notwavingbutironing said...

Great new pic! Your teeth look just perfect to me. Mine are misshapen, but I DO floss. I'll tell you why: don't floss for a while, then do it, and then SMELL THE FLOSS! Urggh, it's like somebody died in there! Believe me, you'll floss from now on.
I'm not going to explain why I smelled the floss in the first place. It's not a kinky thing, I promise.

Kate said...

Hate flossing. Mainly because I have a small mouth and big teeth too close together and I can't get the damn floss between them. Hate the hygienist too - always end up with lock-jaw.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Great picture LWM and your teeth look wonderful! I am becoming almost paranoid about my dental hygiene and do regularly use a mouthwash. I shall have to dust off my floss container too I suppose. A x

diney said...

I know - it's just another thing to do in the morning and before bed as well as make up on, make up off, contact lens in, contacts out, lines filled, wrinkles cleared out, blimey!

Humdrum Mum said...

Just catching up with blogs, I hate the dentist and the hygienist who I think is an overpaid but underskilled dentist designed to make money out of us. Sorry I know I'm going to offend all of them! I have to go soon to the dentist, and have I flossed or poked those stick things? I've put off my appointment for 6 months so I can floss enough! -HMx

Vernell said...

Yeah, sometimes flossing is no fun at all. It's very useful to one's dental health, but it's very hard to get used to. It's as hard as quitting a smoking habit, perhaps. Well, take it easy with the floss. Go at your own pace and soon you'll get used to flossing every day.

-Vernell Leider