Wednesday, 17 November 2010

So this is Christmas





NOT.






Yup, the Christmas Countdown has begun. Or actually, for some, it's just finished.
(Grumpy Old Woman knows just what I mean in her post Christmas Bullies.... check it out!) Because for those of us who are just beginning to buy the odd present, seeing as it's only 38 days till Christmas, there are other TOTAL BUGGERS who have done the lot.
Yup.
The bloody Lot.
I only say this because while waiting for children yesterday in the FREEZING cold, tapping our feet, and jumping up and down as the icy wind blew directly from the North Pole, I got into a sort of jumping up and down conversation with a couple of mothers, one of whom HAD DONE ALL HER CHRISTMAS SHOPPING....AND.... wait for this, it's Ugly, really Ugly,
She had Booked A Christmas Delivery Slot for Waitrose.
Gulp.
I mean, really.
It was only the bloody 16th November!!
So what did I do?
Laugh maniacally in her face?
Cry?
Tell her I had done all mine in January?
Nope.
I went back home, and booked a slot for Waitrose.
Only, wait for this... THERE ARE NO SODDING SLOTS LEFT.
Because Blinking Mothers like that have already nicked them.
NICKED THEM.
And because I am not a 'Delivery Pass member' on Ocado, I don't get a slot unless I wait until the beginning of December and sit at my computer until Midnight. Probably.
?????
Oh Very Dear.
And this happens every year, doesn't it. This madness, this crazy GOT TO GET IT ON TIME mentality.
It's only a DAY.
When we eat a lot, and give each other a few pressies. And drink too much cooking sherry, champagne, wine and port. (oh is that just me??)
But Christmas, while clearly quite a lot of work, is NOT Nuclear War, or Flooding or Earthquakes, or a Global Disaster.
It's Christmas.
And incidently, a Birthday at that.
Rather an important Birthday too.
And all our focus is on getting it all done on time, and being Organised and beating other mothers to all the Christmas Delivery Slots.
To hell with all that.
Providing that I remember the bog rolls and Who The Buggery has remembered to pick up the Turkey, it should be rather good fun.
Everyone can get their own sodding presents. I am NOT going to go around the shops, picking up 36 presents, and then telling everyone who is giving what to who.
Yup. Done that. Mad, eh?
Am going to Waft about getting the odd Gift, and take them home and wrap them in rich glossy paper and leave them under the tree. And then joyfully send cards to dear friends.
Sod it. Need to buy tree.
And rich glossy paper.
And cards.
Bloody Christmas.
Bloody Friends.
Bloody Nightmare.

24 comments:

TheMadHouse said...

I adore Chriostmas, but no longer feel the need to go all out. As you say it is only one day a year and where we live no one will bloody delivery anyway! So it will be a quick shop for food on 23rd and we will be fine, the shops are open again the day after anyway. We make a real effort on 24th to have a family day with the boys and then it is more travelling etc

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Well, I am quite a bit older than you LWM so don't have to get involved with the YM's at school who book their Waitrose slots at any time, let alone at Christmas. BUT, I do know where you are coming from because yesterday, YESTERDAY, we received our first Christmas card. I feel so disorganised already. I think I shall tell everyone from now on that not only is the shopping done but all gifts wrapped too, so there. A x

London City Mum said...

Bloody bloody BLOODY Xmas. I agree. Would happily submit to an induced coma for a couple of weeks to avoid pahlava altogether.

Okay, that's a bit drastic.

How about a trip somewhere hot? With a beach of golden sands, warm sea, and not a bleedin' Xmas tree, present or turkey in sight?

Yes?

Emma said...

I was starting to feel a bit sad that Christmas didn't feel chrismassy enough here in Cyprus but now I realise it's because I'm getting to miss out on stuff like that (and annoying Christmas adverts on TV)

Still a bit weird though, but I think I prefer it really!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Part of me wonders what a Waitrose delivery slot may be but most of me is too scared to ask.

For me, Xmas shopping is done by February or has to wait until Xmas eve.

Mwa said...

The British obsession with Christmas never fails to astound me. Take some advice from a foreigner: I never send Christmas cards and get my presents at the last minute and no one has ever complained. All my British friends and relatives still speak to me as well.

Expat mum said...

Well we've got Thanksgiving very soon - and I haven't done a thing about it. We'll get a turkey from somewhere, I don't like half the "trimmings" anyway (green bean casserole anyone?) and it's only my little family.
Christmas - isn't that a good 6 months off?

June said...

I do not know what these things are:
1. A Christmas Delivery Slot for Waitrose;
2. a 'Delivery Pass member';
3. Ocado.
I could probably Google them and find out, but it'd be much more fun to hear your explanations, all SPLUTTERY!!!! and Filled with Capitals and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
:0p

Janna Qualman said...

I'm not ready either. But I like your reminder about the important birthday. Maybe if I start focusing on that, instead of the "need" to decorate, and shop, and listen to carols. Did I mention I'm not ready?

Hugs, Lady!

PixieMum said...

I'm in the field of I suppose we ought to think about presents and plan some food stuff.

Have family visiting on Boxing Day and on 27th but on Christmas Day itself will be helping with local churches who provide a free Christmas lunch and more for anyone who wants it.

We will help with driving, food prep, washing up and enjoy ourselves and in my case fall asleep after The Archers cos didn't go to bed till nearly 2am as went to church for Midnight service and everyone stands around chatting afterwards.

Oh, just realised the 25th is a Saturday so no Archers. Doh.

PixieMum

Clippy Mat said...

That's disgusting! Any bloody woman who's done it all at this stage of November is absolutely horrible and don't even speak to her again. She sounds like Martha Stewart and we all know what happened to her.
p.s. I want to know what Waitrose slots and all that other stuff is too. they had nowt like that when I lived in England.
another excellent, funny, funny post.
:-)

Tattie Weasle said...

Ah the infamous Waitrose Christmas Deleivery Slot, the holy grail of Xmas organisation...yep missed mine too however have found out that if order all pressies on line can get them wrapped as well so no need to buegger about on Xmas Eve trying to get small bits of paper to meet in the middle of too large pressies etc and there is still time!!!!Brill post!

grumpyoldwoman said...

Amen!

Suburbia said...

Nearly didn't finish reading your post because I felt the need to find a 'slot'!

My Mother has finished addressing all her cards today, having written them weeks ago!

Off to see if ASDA has a free one (I bet they do!)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh, dear, one of those general comments back to you all... just so busy getting that wretched slot and writing all the cards. Not.
Thanks, all, lovely comments as ever and me just bloody useless at replying to each one but each child has thrown up at length for just over two weeks, and now is the first day of NO ONE IN THE HOUSE. So am off to Brighton to spend the day with a friend, so forgive the general comment. Hope you all have YOUR slot. Snigger. xxx

Kate said...

Come to Bahrain (LCM can come too as she's after somewhere hot). No-one cooks for Christmas here - we all go out and let someone else do the work. Shall I book you a slot at the Diplomat Hotel??

Lakeland Jo said...

Going away to big Scottish hotel for Christmas- no food shopping needed. It is such a relief. My preference would be to be in Florida, but the Scottish Borders is good enough for me

Troy said...

I suppose strictly speaking if you include Boxing Day within the term "Christmas" then flooding and disasters could be included.

trash said...

Well now, have to confess.

Sat down on Nov 2 and WROTE my Christmas cards. But before you start throwing Ocada membership cards at me let me state in my defence that writing them does NOT equate to sending them. In the pile to post sit some cards from last year too. Unfortunately have sealed them so have fingers crossed I didn't put a date on them.

wonderwoman said...

YEP , I agree - its ONE day!! and why does it have to be perfect? I just don't do perfect- and for the record have not got anything yet!

xx

Sir Bruin said...

Can't see what all this fuss is about. Christmas is a celebration, not a competition. Anyway, it all just happens, doesn't it?

June said...

Sir Bruin is a married man.
That's why he thinks it all just happens.

Humdrum Mum said...

I have only just started my shopping and that's only cos the new footie training leaves me with 90 minutes of free time! Otherwise I'd be running round in my lunch hours... I hate the competitiveness of the smug I've Finished My Christmas Shopping person. And when you say I don't really like doing it early, or whatever, they give you a patronising look that says Oh yes you do mind really, you are jealous. BUT I'M NOT! Sorry rant over... -HMx

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Yep, it's only one day, but I do love it so much and make the whole December our Christmas!!

I do most of my shopping online though, traipsing round busy shops, banging into folk who are in a hurry, I can't be doing with.

My sister is one of those "organised" people, who pesters me in October for a list for me, Amy and the Farmer, and I get really frustrated with her. "Chillax," I find myself saying.

CJ xx