Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Just when you reach the bottom...

For those of you with a tender disposition, then turn away at once. This is Not For You.
For those of you with steely internal organs and iron like constitutions, put on your Blog Safety Belts and listen up.
Wiping Youngest's bottom yesterday.
Like you do.
Found what looked like a smallish sort of long thing coming out of his bottom.
No. Not worms.
So pulled it. Gently.
And out it came, more and more and more. Thin, cotton like strand of navy blue. On and on and on. Started to get the giggles.
'What's the matter,' asked Youngest, from his position between his own legs.
'Um,' I said between bouts of laughter. 'Have got something out of your bottom.'
Youngest starts to get the giggles too.
'What is it?' he asks.
'Don't know,' I splurt, eyes watering so hard I can't see what I am doing.
And I continue to pull thread out of bottom.
(Are you still here? Need a sit down? No? Marvellous!)
Finally it comes to an end. Rather disappointingly. Hold it up in front of Youngest. We stare at it spellbound.
It is at least three feet long, dark navy thread.
'How in God's name did that get in there,' I ask.
Youngest too confounded to answer.
We carefully hold it over the loo, and watch it drop into the bowl.
Later the mystery is solved.
Youngest gets out of bath and is wrapped in huge navy towel. And starts to nibble at it.
'AHA!!!' I shout. 'NO BITING!'
And Youngest beams up at me, thrilled that the mystery is solved.
Honestly, this was SO not in the Parents' Manual.

36 comments:

Elaine said...

well, it is in the manual now! in the index under 'rolling on the floor choking with laughter'.......

June said...

You should be sure to tell this story to every new mother you meet, especially the ones who are frightened that their children will die if anything untoward enters their gullets.
I am told that as a baby I sat in a driveway playing with a spoon in the dirt, and began to eat the dirt by spoonfuls. My mother, horrified, started out to put an end to it, and an older friend told her not to worry, that it wouldn't hurt me.

CambridgeLady said...

That is so funny. Glad it wasn't one of those nasty "blue-worms" I've been hearing about - guaranteed to give you incurable giggles ;)

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Just when you think they can't possibly do anything else that will surprise you.

Glad youngest blue worm moment didn't require any medication or medical intervention! x

lady said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。 ..................................................

London City Mum said...

Priceless. Heard similar story years ago but the bottom belonged to a friend's boxer dog...

Not quite the same. And it was a sock.

LCM x

Alix said...

God God Almighty! That was THE funniest story ever. Period.

The End.

{Get it? The End??}

PS: You made me giggle too! I so envisioned the scene.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Priceless! Exactly the same happened to me, err, I mean Amy. She eats cotton too, (even though she's now 10) and had been nibbling one of my best cushions.

CJ xx

Ladybird World Mother said...

Elaine _ !!! oh, please get up, you might choke on some navy cotton, and THEN where would we be??!
June - I certainly will... as a good natural birth control... I mean, who would have thought...! Out of the mouths of babes... what about their bottoms!
CL - oh, those blue worms, eh...think I've had those before!
BIB - oh, boy, so am I...
lady - 生活中的含糊之处有时可以找到最奇特的地方!!
LCM - ewwwwww! Just spat out my tea and some of my caramel bar... not good. !!!
Alix - oh, WHY didn't I call it The End. Dammit. Those titles are always thought up too late!
CJ - !!!! OMG your best cushions. That is not good at all. Hope she only chews on the second best ones now. x

notwavingbutironing said...

Very descriptive – found myself clenching my buttocks at your description of pulling and pulling on that thread! I'm starting to worry about towels - dangerous things! Stickhead over at Slightly South of Sanity blogged the other day about thinking she had pubic lice, until the 'creatures' revealed themselves to be tiny balls of cotton from her new brown towels.

Expat mum said...

Two thoughts - that is one stoic child you have there. Mine would have been screaming the house down.
And what sort of fabric are your towels made of that stomach acid doesn't touch 'em? DON'T let him suck them.

Barbara said...

It's difficult to go "EEWWWWWW" while laughing this hard!!!!!

Mwa said...

Too funny!

Humdrum Mum said...

That was both gross and funny! I've tagged you for a photo meme http://ahumdrumum.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-first-photo-meme-deconstructionist.html x

Suburbia said...

Ewwww!

Troy said...

I love a blog story with a good thread to it.

Mud in the City said...

Could you then floss him, end to end, so to speak?

Fe said...

Oh God! That's the funniest thing I've read in Blogdom ALL DAY!

Thank you SO much for the giggle!

Catharine Withenay said...

Oh my goodness! Laughing like a hyena now! Who could possibly make that up?

Ladybird World Mother said...

notwaving - OMG must go and read the post about the lice... sounds must up my boulevard... hope your buttocks are less clenched now.x
expat mum - don't you fret... THAT towel is now in the linen cupboard and WILL STAY THERE!
Barbara - glad you had a giggle!
Mwa - ... and gross!
HM - have been over to check it out and loved your photo... looked up the same photo in my first folder and it is SO DULL. Might post it just for the dullness!
Suburbia - just what I said... but much much louder.
Troy - I agree, but not when you lose the thread. Not good.
Mud - dammit, girl, don't say such things without a warning. Frightened the cat I laughed so loudly.
Fe - you are too kind... glad you had a giggle!!
CW - !! Wish I had... but it happened... trust Youngest!!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Never a dull moment in your household LWM. How funny, would love to have seen the pair of you, giggling away. Great story - definitely one to tell the grandchildren!

btw - heard on the news the other day that a dog swallowed a diamond and they had to wait 2 days to "retrieve" it.

Working Mum said...

Glad you got to the bottom of that one!

Sir Bruin said...

For once, I am lost for words.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Hahahahaha! Reminds me of my friend, pulling a sting out of her daughter's nose. Grossest thing she ever did. Grossest story I'd ever heard. Gave me strength to handle yours.

Kevin Musgrove said...

You are a phenomenally brave mother. I wouldn't have pulled the thread just in case one of his legs fell off.

Tatersmama said...

Only YOU.... LOL! Remind me to remind myself that I must put my coffee down when coming 'round to your place!
I had this vision of you pulling and pulling that blue thread just like a magician with metres of scarves... and then a bunch of flowers coming out at the end!

I loved Kevin Musgroves comment!!! Have you checked the lads legs for any looseness lately? LMAO!

Humdrum Mum said...

Hey, I'm Humdrum Mum - I would love to see a DULL photo and read the story behind it. Plus you are excellent at making ordinary (dull?) things very amusant!

diney said...

Ew! and Aw! That was very funny - I bet you felt fairly sick when you were pulling, pulling....argh!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Out of the bums of babes! Or mouths. Or whatever. Isn't something always coming out of them somewhere?! But THAT one takes the prize!!! Glad you unraveled him AND the mystery!

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Award for you over at mine!

muummmmeeeeee...... said...

Just hilarious! Think you need to buy some more towels...sounds as though yours are getting a bit threadbare...

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Ladybird World Mother said...

How nice to get home and see all those familiar names with all those scrummy comments. Most heartening for a girl.
Have had bloody marvellous skiing holiday, which I imagine I will blog about... or not. Or just dream about. In the meantime, one of those comments from me that Troy will take the mickey out of Hopefully. Again. Grrr.
End of term approaching, an Open day tomorrow, and too much to do. But all done in the blissful post holiday haze. Love to all. xxx

Tattie Weasle said...

Just returned from a few weeks away and felt like an uplifting moment so dropped in. Not sure you'd call it uplifting but boy I laughed!!!

Libby's Library said...

Only in a moms life:-)

Iota said...

THREE FEET! Isn't the human body amazing, the way it can deal with that kind of thing? If it wasn't in the parenting manual, I don't suppose it was in the body design manual either.