Awful smell in our kitchen the other day. Hot Sewage type odour. Inexplicable. Sniffed everywhere and cleaned each and every surface. Twice.
Husband came home and sniffed too. We pulled out panels from under cupboards to see if Cat has crapped under there. Hadn't.
Balanced precariously on top of kitchen counter, stretching up and craning neck against ceiling to see if Cat has crapped ceremoniously up there. Hadn't.
Cleared out each and every cupboard. Drawer. Book case.
No crap anywhere.
And today Roy, Middle Son's guitar teacher came.
Passing the time of day, as you do, when I opened fridge and Out Came Smell.
'There it is!' I yelled excitedly. 'Here, Roy, smell the fridge!'
He obligingly stuck his nose in there and inhaled deeply.
'Cheese,' he said.
'Dammit,' I said, somewhat despairingly. 'Not poo then?'
Give him his due, he didn't look at all phased at this query. He probably knows me well enough to realise that there is More To The Story.
In some despair I stuck my nose between the fridge and the cupboard next to it. A tiny crack about one centimetre wide.
'Oh My God That Is The Smell!!!!' The excitement. Roy kindly put his nose there too and recoiled in Disgust.
It was Truly Disgusting. Wafting out gently from between fridge and cupboard.
'Must be something dead down there.' I said. 'Cup of tea?'
Roy, looking a little weak at the thought of dead things lurking, nodded.
I bustled him and Middle Son out of kitchen and off they went for the lesson.
Husband came home not long after Roy had gone.
'Smell Mystery Solved!' I told him. Jubilantly.
And shoved him and his nose in the Crack. As it were.
He breathed in deeply.
'Yup,' he said, turning an ivy green. 'Definitely there. Will sort that this weekend.'
Now, bearing in mind that it was only Tuesday was not particularly thrilled by the suggestion.
'Let's do it now!' I said.
'Let's not!' said Husband.
'No, let's!' I said.
And so it Began.
Carefully pulled out fridge.
'Think we should empty it, actually,' said Husband, being a tad Male and Bossy.
'Nonsense!' said I. 'Let's just get bloody on with it,' being a tad Female and Bossy.
Carefully eased out the fridge. Which is one of those weird ones that looks like a door, but isn't. Because behind the door, stuck to the back of it, is a Fridge.
Nice to look at when in kitchen.
But Hell to take out to investigate Smells.
On pulling out fridge One More Fraction, there came from within Bowels of Fridge an almighty CRASH as Something Fell Down In It.
'Oh, dear,' I said. A little Perturbed.
At this point, the entire Fridge decided to fall on Husband.
Who landed on floor, holding fridge up with Left Foot and Determination.
I yelled. Loudly. Grabbing Fridge with right hand and left foot.
Thought about giggling but was too busy getting Enormous Beast of a Fridge off Husband, now lying with Green Tomato Chutney running down his leg and what looked like Raspberry Jam and Red Currant Jelly in his shoe.
Hysterics rising fast, yelled at Husband to get up and push.
From a Lying Down Position, Husband managed to cram Fridge back in from one side, while I heaved and pushed on the other.
Fridge slid back with satisfying clunk.
Husband got up.
Not a Pretty Sight.
Cream, chutney, wine, milk, jam, jelly and apple crumble were in a Glorious Muddle all over his leg, the floor and the entire front of the fridge.
'Um.' I said. Helpfully.
'Should have emptied it.'
Husband gave me one of those Looks.
Not a Long, Lingering, Hot Honeymoon Look.
Just a Short One. Devoid of Affection.
We then proceeded to take Every Last Item out of Fridge, cleaned the Bastard out, pulled it out again, this time with no Disastrous Consequences.
And Found The Origin of Smell.
Won't go into the rather Dull Details.
(Has anyone got this far in the post? You have? Well done!!)
Suffice it to say, took rather a Long Time to clear it all away.
Cleaned every surface. Again.
Husband had rather dull time on Internet looking up How to rid your Fridge of Smells. Which apparently 576,956 other people had also looked up.
Cleaned and cleaned.
And after about an hour or so, the kitchen looked sort of how it had looked about an hour or so before.
So that was good then!
Must remember to Listen to Husband's Suggestions.
Would save an awful lot of trouble.
Trouble is, wouldn't be half so much fun.
I mean, what on earth would I blog about?! ;)