Tuesday, 30 April 2013
Oh, deary, deary, me. It's NOT good.
Youngest has done it again.
We were talking about what present to give my friend whose birthday is on Friday. Last year gave her the most enormous pair of pants EVER.
HUGE. SO vast that two grown men can fit, one entire body in each pant. As it were.
Why? Why did I give her enormous pants?
Absolutely no idea.
It is her birthday again, so thinking caps were on, and my three children were all having a thought about what I could give her.
Giant thongs? asked Middle Son, guffawing and spitting out tea.
Youngest giggles hard. Obviously finds that very amusing indeed.
'What's a thong?'
We all spit out our tea again, and try to explain what a thong is. Difficult to keep it clean.
As it were.
Anyway, we all agreed that it's NOT a great idea, not in the grand scheme of things. Thongs.
Big silence while we all think again.
'Giant condom?' asks Daughter, hardly able to get the words out.
After we've all shouted EWWW and told her how disgusting that is, and NO, I WILL NOT buy giant condoms, we all settle down again.
Youngest still giggling. You can see the think bubbles working.
'What's a condom?' he asks, clear voice slicing the quiet air like a knife.
'Well,' I say. 'Um.' I absolutely can't think of a nice, clean way to explain this one.
The other older children looking across at me with grins as wide as the M25. Wondering what on EARTH I am going to say.
Youngest pipes up. 'Is it a Love Bag?'
That's it. We've all had it. Tea, biscuits, spit, all comes out in total hysterical bout of painful laughter. Youngest looking on, all interested and amused that he has caused such a riot.
Middle Son horrified and delighted at the same time. Daughter pealing with laughter and unable to talk, let alone stay on her chair.
'Love bag?' I ask feebly, unable to frame words with mouth that is so wide open in mirth it has stopped functioning as tool for language.
'Yes, is it a Love Bag?' asks Youngest. You could even HEAR the capital letters as he said the words.
It was no good. I couldn't answer as paralysed by hysteria. Gave up. Washed up and ran bath for still giggling Youngest.
And as I did so, mused in confused sort of a way WHY Youngest would come up with Love Bag?? But have to say that it is rather brilliant way of describing said item. New marketing tool?
And so Youngest now believes that condoms are Love Bags and that thongs are pants without a bottom.
Great conversationalist, my kids.
And so my friend's birthday? What will I get her? I thought a nice book and a bunch of flowers.
Am SO not asking my children for any more advice. EVER.