Monday, 18 April 2011

Rude Talk

I think our neighbours might be a little unsettled by some of our loud Garden Talk recently. I yelled across the garden to Middle Son just yesterday, as he was helping Husband to tie up some raspberry canes,
'I think that they are finally DOING IT!!'
And Middle Son yelled back, 'Who? Who?'
And I yelled back, 'Hang on, can't quite see... aha, it's ROSIE!'
And Middle Son yelled back, 'Hooray, dear old Rosie!'
And all was silence again, except for the recently arrived swallows, chattering and arguing about who should build the nest. Or something.
And a few minutes later, Middle Son yelled back to me, where I was weeding a particularly obstinate bit of rose garden,
'He's at it again! Only this time it's Tilly!'
'Hooray,' I yelled back, 'Did he last any longer this time?'
'Um. ' (yelled, quite hard to do really) 'About 5 seconds.'
'Oh. (also yelled, also quite hard). Good for him.'
And again, another five minutes later, 'He's at it with Honey now!'
'Hooray! Such a good cock!'
You see, we haven't had neighbours for ages. By neighbours I mean the house down the lane, about 500 yards away. Only their garden stretches up to the corner of the lane, on the other side of the road from us. And their children have a trampoline, as I can hear the boing, boing noises of children hurling themselves up and down when I put out the washing. Slightly disconcerting to hear neighbours when you never did before. And significantly disconcerting to know that THEY can hear EVERYTHING as I can hear Every Breath of theirs. Every single WORD is as clear as a bell, as they jump up and down on that trampoline of theirs.
Oh, dear. They will think we are Hardcore Deviants.
What?
YOU think we are Hardcore Deviants?
No, no! I am talking about our new cockerel. Timmy. Red plumage, thick as shit, but goes like a train.



Which is just what we want as CHICKS are longed for. And we all know that No Shag means No Chick.
And so we will continue to call out to each other our observations of Timmy the Cock, because each Act is a possible Chick, and that is MOST Satisfactory.
Although, clearly, not to the neighbours.

13 comments:

Tattie Weasle said...

I might just have to yell "And what type of cock is he?" dread to think what your reply might be...

Mud in the City said...

Bravo Timmy!

I might be tempted to yell to Husband "Darling, your cock's at it again!" to see if you get a response....

Ladybird World Mother said...

Tattie - very large! Arf arf. x
Mud - brilliant... will shout that very loudly this evening. They haven't heard anything rude for HOURS! x

grumpyoldwoman said...

Do you think your cock could pop round our gaffe - we have a very broody bantam and no cock! She needs cock! We have had top put her in solitary confinement - poor cock-less birdie....

The mum of all trades said...

this made me chuckle so

Lou said...

I'm sure our cock fires duds.... so I bought a ready-made family at the auction, much easier. And far less call for rude talk. Language Timothy!!

Boyfromoz said...

Just make sure that, once the chicks arrive, your husband isn't overheard yelling "catch my cock and pullet"!

Potty days! said...

"as I can hear the boing, boing noises" and "hurling themselves up and down"

Are you sure these phrases relate to the noise of children on the trampoline, or do your neighbours also have a rampant cock in the garden?

Potty days! said...

What no comment from Troy yet!

Troy said...

We get our chickens from Tesco. Have I been doing it wrong?

diney said...

My poor hens never had a cock. Shame. They looked very laid back about it though so perhaps not a miss after all! And they certainly never had 'headaches'

Milla said...

always delighted to hear of other people shouting and generally behaving embarrasingly!

Ladybird World Mother said...

!! Badly neglecting this blog of mine but the sunshine is so appealing and there are Things To Do. (empty dishwasher, dull stuff, honestly) But giggled and chuckled at comments (Troy, you fool, don't you know that chickens come only from Waitrose?) and as usual am heartened by such lovely bloggy mates. See you all soon. Will TRY and post something soon... ho hum. xx