Thursday, 2 September 2010

Please, God. Is it the End of the Holidays yet?

Have Crawled my way through to the end of the Summer Holidays.
I look a complete Fright. Hair on end. Don't even MENTION where.
Eyes hollowed out, clothes old and worn, sense of humour long gone.
Added to which I have just celebrated my 50th birthday.
For God's sake.
I'm not fifty!
I am merely seventeen with a few lines and sags here and there. And those wretched hairs in places they just Shouldn't Be.
I lay awake on the night before my birthday, fretting about leaving the haven that was my 40's. The comfort that there was That Big Number which I hadn't yet reached. The knowing that the Saga Age of tweed and cheap weekday pub meals was some way off yet.
But then I woke up, and found that I WAS one of those.
Bugger it.
Husband leaned over when he saw that I was awake.
'Happy birthday!' he said. And gave me the first kiss of the next half century.
Which was nice, and felt quite like it had when I was 49.
So. Fifty. Ker-ist.
I'm not going to get into the Saga Holidays and the Meal Deals at the pub. Or Tweed. (Hate Tweed. Would rather wear Nothing.)
I'm still going to wear the occasional short skirt. I will still behave a little badly at the odd party by dancing till I drop and shouting out the words to 'High Ho Silver Lining'.
I won't be such a bloody Wuss about growing older.
And I will remember that now that I am FIFTY I can be a right old Bossy Cow.
Just like that woman on 'Ladette to Lady'.
You know, the one with all the teeth.
Who says 'Sluttish' quite a lot.
(She actually looks like a caricature of herself. Which is quite an achievement. The only other person to do that was Barbara Cartland. One of the best laughs you could get when she was on telly was to turn up the colour. Brilliant!)
Anyway, I am off to Pot some Roses, or whatever else you do when you are FIFTY.
And better find some reading glasses. And slippers. Oh, and a nice Pac-a-mac.
Oh, sod all of that. Am going to watch the Simpsons with the children and then bounce on the trampoline for a bit.
Have at least ten years to grow up before I am sixty.
So that's OK.

27 comments:

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Well, first of all, Happy Birthday LWM and remember, 50 is only a number. You don't look a day over 17 anyway. First kiss of the next half century made me laugh though. I'll bet you had a super day with your Husband and lovely children. A x

geraldgee said...

Maybe having got to 50 you could post more blogs now? xxx

Working Mum said...

Stop right there! On the radio today it said that life begins at 55, not 40 anymore, so you've another five years to go before you get to the good bit!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Happy birthday! And remember that there's only one alternative to getting older.

I say go out and celebrate like you're 25.

Troy said...

I can't believe you are fifty. When I met you I would have put you at about 48.

ONLY KIDDING!!!!!!

Expat mum said...

Ker-ist indeed! How old? Just kidding - you look perhaps 18. Happy Birthday anyway.

wonderwoman said...

Happy Birthday!!! i have decided to forget about age and just go with how i feel - which is sometimes 25 and others 90!!!

trash said...

Happy Birthday LWM. 50 is just a number, everyone knows it is the age we feel on the inside that is the real.

As for reaching the end of the holidays, oh I hear you.

Tatersmama said...

Happy Birthday!
Now that you're old(er) maybe you'll find time between potting roses and taking iron supplements, to post more often, eh?

Age is just a state of mind really. You're not really old until you go to brush a stray hair off your lapel and realize that it's attached to your chin!
And you certainly haven't gotten to that stage yet.
Have you? ;)

Pam said...

Happy Birthday! I believe 50 is the new 25. And you look miles younger than 50 anyway.
Are we all making you feel better yet? I hope so :-)

Leilani Lee said...

Happy Birthday. So glad you are back. Have Missed your posts Terribly. Get a good pair of tweezers for the chin hairs and keep doing all of those young things until your knees say, "yep, you really are 50... or 55... or 60...."

Humdrum Mum said...

Happy Birthday too, you seem about 25 to me from your posts, but is that because I think I am still 25? -HMx

Vicus Scurra said...

One would have thought with your children at home to help you, you would have time to update your blog more regularly, or am I being old-fashioned?

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

A very happy birthday to you. I'm catching you up on the rails and will grow old disgracefully too. It's my turn on the trampoline

Elaine said...

am still snorting merely at the title of this post.

and can I just say that from your blog photos I had always assumed you were a little bit younger than I am? and I am 43 (and a QUARTER, as my Youngest wd say.)

Age brings its own rewards, of course. To quote Blackadder:

"There are two things you need to know about the Wise Woman. Firstly...she is a woman. Secondly...she is wise..."

London City Mum said...

Forget the coffee when we visit shortly.

Champagne all round.

And I think you look fabulous.
Whatever your age.

LCM x

Diane said...

Happy Birthday, you! I expect you will be as fabulous in this decade as you were in the last. Likely? Even better!

Mud in the City said...

Happy Birthday!

50 - definately not your state of mind, which is far more important. I am going round for a party at some nearly-50 friends tonight and they certainly have more stamina than I do (and am awful lot of fun).

By the way - my inappropriate hairs have already started. At this rate I'm going to be Alan Sugar by 40!

xx

Lindsay said...

Happy Birthday! I still cannot get over being 50 and I am now 65!!!

notwavingbutironing said...

Don't you dare grow up, Ladybird! I come her for my fix of puerile, childish humour and snorty laughs. And 50 is a fine, fine age - looks good on Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jaclyn Smith... (To be fair, though, they have probably been injecting themselves with cow foetuses for the last 10 years, but hey ho. Happy birthday anyway you wonderful woman x)

Sir Bruin said...

I passed that particular number a couple of years ago. Like your self, I continue to act 17 (more like a toddler according to my wife). Also, like you, I will continue to wear the occasional short skirt.

CambridgeLady said...

Well you must be using a very old photo on your profile 'cause you don't look 50. Happy Birthday!

Kathy G said...

Happy birthday to you. You're only as old as you feel,

family affairs said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - I hope you are having a weekend rave in honour of your achievement! Lx

Clippy Mat said...

I remember 50!
You're just a bairn.
Hope you had a good one.
:-)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Anne - Bless, bless! Day over 17?? More like 70 today. Thanks anyway, lovely friend.x
GG - yes, yes, yes. Providing you come by lots. x
WM - Hooray! Actually not hooray, if life hasnt yet started. Oh, well, will practise!! x
Jeff- thank you!! And I know the alternative, and count my blessings. Really. x
Troy- how very dare you?! Golly, that boat ride seems a long time ago... thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. x
EM - you are just too kind. Need to put up a new photo I think , with all those lines. Eurrcchh. xx
ww - I so agree!! Lovely to feel about nine... although, as you say, sometimes feel a hundred. x
Trash - its the end of the holidays now, Trash!! Hooray. x
Tatersmama - oh, did laugh with the hair on the lapel thing!! Luckily have not quite got there although DO have the odd darling little chin hair. Lovely eh. x
Pam - ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL BETTER YET?? Oh yes, yes yes! What lovely comments... makes a girl want to skip! x
LL - oh, you darling. And I already have a nice pair of tweezers... as the actress said to the bishop. Such nice comment, thank you! x
Humdrum - thats because I am so infantile and write all the time about poo and wee. x
VS - you lovely old fashioned thing, you. Actually, with the buggers at home all the time am constantly having to answer questions which is a bit time consuming. But, come the revolution, will post like buggery. As it were. x
Trish - come on our trampoline!! Such fun and so damned bouncey... glad you are being disgraceful too. x
Elaine - loved that quote!! Am not wise but am a hell of a woman. x
LCM - champagne it bloody is then!! Have awful feeling you have been and gone, but we will do it another time. Kisses, lovely girl. xx
Diane - oh now that is NICE! Hopefully wont be quite so childish... and lots more mature and all of that. No?? All right then... x
Mud - oh god, the Alan Sugar look is so GORGEOUS! If you are going to be him, can I be that Hairy Biker?? xx
Lindsay - oh, bless your heart... I am SO going to be like that. The younger you are at heart, the more weird it is, eh??!x
Not waving - snorty laughs?? We'll keep em coming! And how simply gorgeous to mention all those amazing women in comparison with little old me! Cows foetus sounds a plan. Got any? xx
Sir B - and I bet you look simply divine in it, you lovely nearly my age blogger friend. I feel 17 too.. what on earth will we feel like when we're 90? xx
CL - its a couple of years old which makes me think I need a new one up there!! Oh dear. That might hurt a bit....x
Kathy - or as old as the man you feel .... he is 50 too. Bum! x
family affairs - we sure jolly well bloomin did!! And there will be plenty more as I have to milk this one as much as I can. Its an awful long time til I'm a hundred! x
CM - I'm a bairn!! Love it. Thanks for that, made my day. Untrue. But nice. xx

HER ON THE HILL said...

Came late to this LWM, so an especially belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! Loved this post. Have total empathy. Haven't quite got to the half century yet, but tapping on the door (NOT screaming 'Let me in!!', mind). Dreading the whole thing. 40 something doesn't sound too bad. 50? Yep, no doubt about it, less good. But there ARE advantages to ageing - if I could only remember what they are!